IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!

Here I am again... months & months have gone by since I last posted. I pretty much decided to stop blogging, but just decided to start posting again, but this time it's just for ME, not because I think that there are others out there waiting for me to update or whatever, but because I just need to reconnect w/ myself & will use this blog as a journal.

Reality hit me in the face this morning when I stepped up on the scale to get  the true picture of why I can barely zip my jeans. I knew it wasn't going to be good... I knew I had probably topped my highest weight ever & I was right. It was even worse than I thought, actually.

282.4 lbs. TWOHUNDREDEIGHTYFREAKINTWO.4 pounds. I'm officially above my highest weight of 275 lbs. I'm beyond floored... beyond disgusted... I'm pretty ticked, actually.

So.... what am I going to do about it?? I'm not going to join Weight Watchers or go for another weight loss program... I'm going to do this NATURALLY. I realized a few weeks ago that I'm always going to be struggling w/ weight loss, even as an old lady. I FEEL like an old lady, which is probably why the thought came to me... but I FEEL this weight. I can't bend w/out it affecting my breathing... I hurt... every joint hurts. My neck & shoulders hurt... I don't know what it is, but I am imagining that my body is going through GROWING PAINS, as I've delving into a new body size... I'm widening & stretching my tendons & joints... that's what I see in my head. Don't know if that's really what it is, but it's what I see.

When I say that I'm going to do this NATURALLY, I mean that I'm going to just start eating healthy & doing what it takes to become & stay a healthy adult. I've counted on outside sources of influence, answers, accountability, support, etc. for so long..... & as much as I love having such a wonderful support system, like Weight Watchers, etc., I realize that when life gets in the way & I'm not "doing WW", I'm not "doing" anything. Same thing w/ joining a gym... although w/ my body aching the way it is these days, I'm thinking that some water workouts would do me good, so I'll be joining a gym soon... but I'm not going to go crazy.

I know it'll be slow going. As much as I'd like this weight to be off NOW... I'm even feeling rather desperate about it all... I know that I have to do it so that it works for ME & my life, so I'm just going to take this one day @ a time.

Trying to decide if I'm going to be journaling food. I'm thinking NOT. I know when I'm not eating the right things or enough of the good things... I just need to DO IT.

Anyway... here I go.