JUST A QUICKIE...

Just a quickie check-in for now...things are busy, which makes me realize that the way I'm doing this is the right way for me. Before, when things got busy, I'd not find the time to journal & "do things right" & would just kind of shut down. It all was such a crutch... my life revolved around my weight-loss. Now I don't think twice about just grabbing something healthy. It might not be completely rounded out, nutrition-wise, but I don't care. I'm getting it all in @ some point during the day... or even week.

Things are going well... I've been away from sugar, for the most part, this past month & I feel really good. I decided to eat a homemade donut the other night when we were making them for a project for my PreTeen's class... it was rolled in cinnamon-sugar. It was good. I didn't lose it because I ate it, there was no guilt... I just know that I'm not going to do that very often, so no big deal. BUT... I felt lousy the next day. Sugar just kicks my butt.... especially when I've been away from it. It makes me anxious & moody... very weird. Staying away from now on, for the most part.

Anyway... the scale said 268.8 yesterday.... that's another 1.6 lbs or something like that.... YAY ME! That's 13.6 lbs in 4 weeks! Awesome. Who says you can't lose weight when you're over 40? :o)

Till next time....

Julie

DOIN' FINE....

Another week has passed easily... I can't tell you how pleased I am w/ my decision of just doing this on my own. It's definitely nice to have a support system like WW or whatever, but this is really working nicely for me. The fact that I'm not obsessing over every little aspect of a plan is fabulous... I'm able to continue to live my life & do my thing & it's going really well!

I weighed myself this morning..... 270.4... that's 2 more pounds down!! I like this pace! 12 lbs total in 4 weeks... that's fantastic, if I may say so.

Feels good.

YAY ME!

Another 2 lbs bites the dust. :o) Yay me! 10 lbs in 3 weeks.

GROWING PAINS...

I mentioned in the post IT'S ALL ABOUT ME that "I FEEL like an old lady, which is probably why the thought came to me... but I FEEL this weight. I can't bend w/out it affecting my breathing... I hurt... every joint hurts. My neck & shoulders hurt... I don't know what it is, but I am imagining that my body is going through GROWING PAINS, as I'm delving into a new body size... I'm widening & stretching my tendons & joints... that's what I see in my head. Don't know if that's really what it is, but it's what I see."

Well... I've had shoulder issues for several months now... left/dominant side... elbow, too. It popped when I reached across myself last week... popped when I brought it back into place.... YEOUCH! Finally decided to see a doctor about it. After talking, poking & prodding, an x-ray showed thinning in the shoulder joint... possibly early onset arthritis. The doctor even asked me before the x-ray if arthritis ran in my family. I didn't know, but one of my sisters says both of my parents have a little arthritis. Who knows? It didn't surprise me... an MRI on my knee a few years ago showed fluid & degenerative issues. I figured it was weight related. I know that losing this weight will help SO MUCH w/ this... it's even more of an issue to get my weight down now than it was before. I don't want to hurt... & I know it's only going to get worse.

Anyway... continuing to do really well. Going downtown for pizza @ Pizza Luce' today & I'm going to eat my favorite pizza... Pizza Athena... a fantastic Mediterranean pizza w/ white garlic sauce, spinach, tomatoes, artichoke hearts, red onions, kalamata olives, garlic & feta cheese. SO GOOD... we only get it maybe twice a year, so I'm going to enjoy every bite & not worry about it. Not like I'm eating it every day, right? (although I'd love to!) It's actually probably pretty okay, as far as calories & nutrition goes... the crust is thin & it's vegetarian... not alot of cheese or sauce.... the garlic in it really packs a punch, it doesn't need the extra fatty stuff.

Till next time....

CHECKING IN...

Doing good... lost another 2 lbs this week, yay!! 274 lbs. That's 8 lbs total. I'm back under what used to be my highest!

Things are going well... I think the concept that I'm working w/... not overdoing it, becoming obsessive about weighing food, journaling, etc., was a really good call. I know all there is to know about losing weight... I know serving sizes & have no problem keeping that under control. I'm being good about getting in fruits & veggies... maybe not as much as I would if I were doing WW or something, but probably 3+ servings daily. (more than I had been getting in!) I'm doing a good job staying away from the crap... it's really just not worth it. If I want a bite of something, I'll take it, but I don't need a full serving or more.

I'm enjoying fruit & am enjoying good, healthy protein... chicken, shrimp, etc. The other day I took some fresh green beans & some jumbo shrimp & sauteed them together w/ just a little bit of oil... little bit of worcestershire sauce & some seasoning salts....boy, that was super yummy.

My snack of choice has been plain nonfat Greek yogurt, fresh blueberries, slivered almonds, flaked unsweetened coconut & a little bit of agave. So good. Apples, clementines, grapes, cherries, etc.... I love fruit!!

Anyways... I'm enjoying life... feels good.

♥

JUST CHECKING IN...

Still doing okay. Making sure to have plenty of healthy choices on hand sure helps! I made some tuna salad today like I would chicken salad... a little bit of mayo w/ some green onion, Craisins & slivered almonds... spread it on some Nabisco Tuscan Herb Flatbread crackers...............SO GOOD!!! The herbs in the crackers just completely made the tuna. Yum.

Here's a picture of what I've been up to... the last few days work, glass beads. Aren't they gorgeous? (click image to enlarge)

FIRST WEEK...

A full week has gone by... it was a good one. I felt in control... it's been a long long time since I could say that. It feels good. I'm not so sure I can say that I'm feeling completely confident, but I truly GET what I've done to myself & am ticked off & freaked out enough that I think this is the IT that I've been waiting for. No more waiting... only DOING now.

 I stepped on the scale this morning & it said that I had lost 6 lbs... 176.4 lbs. Am I happy?? Yes. I'm glad my body rewarded me this first week of consciousness.

Thoughtfully...

GOOD MORNING...

Good morning, Sunday. Blue skies, sunny, eleven degrees below zero... lovely. :o)

Having a great week... making sure to have plenty of healthy selections @ home helps ALOT. I'm feeling positive about the food end of things.

....but, I kinda lost it the other morning when I was talking to my hubby in bed... realizing that I KNOW I don't LOOK like I think I do... I can't imagine what he sees when he looks @ me... it doesn't seem fair to him. I know every line of his face, the twinkle in his eyes that I love so much... his lovely lean body. I never think about the fact that the Julie that I see (not as large as I must be) isn't the same one that he does. He loves me... yes, I know this... we've been together for almost 26 years... but I'm embarrassed for him. He's never said anything to make me think he's embarrassed... but how could he not be? & my poor kids... same thing. They don't remember me ever being this heavy, this much be shocking to them. My teenager says that it's not a big deal... kids, his friends, don't care & don't tease... I hope not, but it still isn't fair that they have to be seen w/ me. Is that awful? I don't know...

.....that's why I'm here, I guess. Not just for them... but I don't want to feel like this anymore... physically & mentally... it's just become too much.

Anyway... moving forward, feeling good... that's all that matters, right?

♥

SO FAR SO GOOD / BIG ASS....

So far so good. It's been easy to just get back to basics this week... makes me remember how easy eating healthy really is if you JUST DO IT. Good food...healthy food.

....& because I'm not journaling, I'm not obsessing. It's weird. I know what a serving is... I AM measuring every once in a while just to make sure I'm right there, but unlike before, where I measured or weighed absolutely EVERYTHING, I'm not going to do that. I'm trying to think like a healthy person.... live like I'm going to live for the rest of my life.

It's been a good week.

Anyway.... BIG ASS...
I took a few measurements today while I was making dinner. LOL. I still need to take the rest, but I got my hips & waist measured. UGH. I don't know if I can come up w/ my original measurements from my old website (I saved the HTML), but I know I'm larger than I was back then. I'm almost as round as I am tall. That almost made me throw up. It's really hard to believe.... I know I'm big, I just didn't realize I was THAT big. 59 inches. My hips are 59 inches. Holy crap.

Oh well... that's what I'm doing here... I'm not reaching 60 inches... I know that much.

Onward...

PHYSICAL LIMITATIONS...

I didn't mention that the seatbelt in my sweet PT Cruiser that we bought for me in 2005 when I was @ my lightest is pulled as tight as it's going to get. I've already moved my seat back several times to give me more seatbelt room, but if I go back any further I won't be able to safely reach the pedals!! It really sucks. I'm completely pinned to my seat. I REFUSE to buy a seatbelt extender... which I'm assuming they make... I'm not even looking into it... but I also won't go w/out a seatbelt, so my only option is to reduce my size.

Took The Teenager to the doctors last night & the waiting room seats were tight... yuck.

I don't even want to fly...

...................................................................

Had an okay day yesterday... didn't eat much of anything really nutritious (I need to go shopping!), except a banana for breakfast, but I stayed away from sugar, which has had a really tight grip on me the past several months, especially over the holidays.

Started out this morning having some scrambled eggs w/ salsa, a little bit of cheddar & a little sour cream... & some orange juice. Think that the protein will be a great way to start the day.

Feeling good that I'm actually trying to be completely conscious of the decisions I'm making... deliberate.

IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!

Here I am again... months & months have gone by since I last posted. I pretty much decided to stop blogging, but just decided to start posting again, but this time it's just for ME, not because I think that there are others out there waiting for me to update or whatever, but because I just need to reconnect w/ myself & will use this blog as a journal.

Reality hit me in the face this morning when I stepped up on the scale to get  the true picture of why I can barely zip my jeans. I knew it wasn't going to be good... I knew I had probably topped my highest weight ever & I was right. It was even worse than I thought, actually.

282.4 lbs. TWOHUNDREDEIGHTYFREAKINTWO.4 pounds. I'm officially above my highest weight of 275 lbs. I'm beyond floored... beyond disgusted... I'm pretty ticked, actually.

So.... what am I going to do about it?? I'm not going to join Weight Watchers or go for another weight loss program... I'm going to do this NATURALLY. I realized a few weeks ago that I'm always going to be struggling w/ weight loss, even as an old lady. I FEEL like an old lady, which is probably why the thought came to me... but I FEEL this weight. I can't bend w/out it affecting my breathing... I hurt... every joint hurts. My neck & shoulders hurt... I don't know what it is, but I am imagining that my body is going through GROWING PAINS, as I've delving into a new body size... I'm widening & stretching my tendons & joints... that's what I see in my head. Don't know if that's really what it is, but it's what I see.

When I say that I'm going to do this NATURALLY, I mean that I'm going to just start eating healthy & doing what it takes to become & stay a healthy adult. I've counted on outside sources of influence, answers, accountability, support, etc. for so long..... & as much as I love having such a wonderful support system, like Weight Watchers, etc., I realize that when life gets in the way & I'm not "doing WW", I'm not "doing" anything. Same thing w/ joining a gym... although w/ my body aching the way it is these days, I'm thinking that some water workouts would do me good, so I'll be joining a gym soon... but I'm not going to go crazy.

I know it'll be slow going. As much as I'd like this weight to be off NOW... I'm even feeling rather desperate about it all... I know that I have to do it so that it works for ME & my life, so I'm just going to take this one day @ a time.

Trying to decide if I'm going to be journaling food. I'm thinking NOT. I know when I'm not eating the right things or enough of the good things... I just need to DO IT.

Anyway... here I go.