BUSY BUSY GIRL...

I'm outrageously busy right now... still being pretty good, but not having all the time in the world to THJ, so I missed a few days over the weekend & am back to THJ day 3. Gotta start back @ 1 if I miss a day. I need to make a goal of 30 days straight of THJ.

I had a good week... not being absolutely as careful as I was last week. I mean not writing things down instantly & having to think the day through @ the end of the day instead of writing things down as they go in my mouth. It would be nice to plan a day every so often... I've never been a pre-planner. At the moment w/ my crazy (non)schedule, it feels like pre-planning is never going to happen.... but maybe it's times like this where making a plan is a great idea. When will I find the time, thought?? LOL. We're heading to Colorado for Thanksgiving on Friday... maybe I'll be able to make a plan while we're on the road...

WI tomorrow...

Wish me luck!

~ Julie

WEIGH-IN - WEEK 1

Weeks OP: 1
WI Date: 11/12/08

Weight: 242
Loss/Gain: -4.4 lbs

Total Loss: 4.4
Pounds to Goal: 92

Had a great first week OP... it felt really good to be back on track... back to paying attention to food... to myself. 4.4 lbs feels FABULOUS... successful.

I met an awesome chick my first week back named Jean... it was her first week, too & she noticed me filling out the forms & was excited to see someone new, too. I'm not quite new, LOL, but it was really nice to connect w/ someone since I hadn't been @ this Wednesday meeting much & hadn't made any connections yet. Going consistently will help. I didn't hesitate going to my meeting this week even though I'm beyond super busy because I wanted to be there for her. I was happy to see her show up & saved her a seat. She mentioned during our meeting that she was happy to have made the connection w/ me last week, too & that knowing I was going to be there gave her a reason to return.... so that's cool. I could really use a connection like that... a reason beyond myself to keep me accountable. Plus, Pam (my leader) said that if I didn't show up she'd show up @ my house! LOL! I just love her.

Here's to a great week 2!

~ Julie

DAY 4 THJ...

Here you go... two more THJ days... it's been good, easy.

I've always known it was easy, if I just did it. What makes us choose not to do what we know is the right thing? Maybe we feel we deserve the junk... does it really make us feel better? Not really...

I don't think these last few years have been about eating junk to feel better... well, not always, but more about just choosing not to choose. Sometimes it's just easier to not have to think... I've been so busy, distracted & sometimes slightly depressed, I guess. It's been more about getting by & sometimes about that little thing I call "instant gratification"... wanting what I want because I just do.

I'm back to trying to minimize, if not avoid sugar... I really overdid it around Halloween & really felt it... anxious, bitchy, stressed. I know what sugar does to me & I know that I'm better off w/out it.

I gotta admit, though, in avoiding sugar on & off these past few years, "watching my intake" was more about the sugar & less about keeping nutritionally balanced. I didn't avoid fatty foods & such that I normally would if I were OP.... & I stopped keeping a tight reign on proportions.

Anyway... it's been a good week. 2 more days till WI.

Till next time...

~ Julie

....oh yeah... no new personal pictures or stats, I really need to do that... but I'll do a little showing off. This is what I'm up to... (click on images for enlarged view)

DAY 2 THJ...

Good day today...

Getting ready for my first "home show" next Friday, so I'm a busy, busy, busy girl... not alot of time to think about eating, but I'm doing it. Luckily I have some good/healthy soups on hand, which I love as it's getting colder... & I grabbed an apple for my "after torching snack".

BTW... we had our first snow today. Ugh. I'm not ready for winter! :o)

Till next time...

~ Julie

DAY 1 THJ

I'm going to be THJing again (Totally Honest Journaling)... it's what works for me... time to get those good habits again.

I had a good day today... no activity, unless you call sitting @ a torch all day activity, LOL, but I ate well & stayed away from the kids' Halloween candy (what's left of it, anyway).

Don't know if I'll post my daily THJ basic stats here... that's kinda boring. As long as I'm keeping track of them, that's what I care about.

Anyway... feeling good today... not quite on my feet as far as WW goes, of course it's just day one & yes, I do know everything, LOL, but I've got some bad habits to get away from again, so it'll take time. The thing that I've been doing for a while now is mindless eating while I'm preparing meals. Mostly having a piece of this or that, whatever I'm preparing, but still, bad habit. I made sure that I wrote it down... & then kept myself from continuing w/ it.

I just finished up torching, it's 1am & my normal thing to do is go get a snack & watch some TV for a while. I have points left for my day, actually, but eating this late isn't a fabulous idea, so I haven't decided if I'm going to get a snack. An apple w/ PB2 sounds good, but that's still calories that I'll be sleeping on. Maybe I should just go to bed, huh?? :o)

Feels good to be thinking about staying OP again... it's been a long time. Now I just need to do some planning...

Till next time...

~ Julie

NOT GIVING UP...

I didn't mention that last week I had finally decided to quit paying monthly for meetings & eTools since I hadn't been using them. I went out to the WW website & actually found the "Cancel account" button..... but I hesitated, got a little sad & then decided that I wasn't ready to quit.

I knew I wanted to do something... I'm pretty ticked off about gaining this weight back... but I was thinking that maybe WW wasn't for me anymore. Maybe I needed to do something else... LA Weightloss, Slim for Life, Jenny Craig, etc... seriously, I've been thinking about it. I like the idea of one-on-one help... but I've been a WW believer forever... I know it works, I just gotta do the work.... no different that what I'd be doing w/ the other programs, right?

Anyway... I didn't quit & decided that it was about time to get it together... so I'm sticking w/ WW..... I love the leaders, Pam & Michelle... & I've connected w/ people @ the Saturday meetings. Don't know if I'll be going to the Saturday meetings, Wednesday morning's meeting is much closer & it's smaller, so I can get a little one-on-one time w/ Pam if I need it. Michelle is always so busy w/ new members... I never stuck around, even if I was struggling. (which was all the time)

So here I am... ready for the challenge...

I VOTED FOR ME TODAY...

Yesterday I voted for president...

Today I voted YES for me.
I went to a meeting this morning... filled out the paperwork & am starting fresh. Period.

It's tough not to look back...
& yet there is so much for me to get hung up on by doing so.

So I'm starting over.

Here are the stats, it's not pretty...
WEIGH-IN - WEEK 0

Weeks OP: 0
WI Date: 11/5/08

Weight: 246.2
Pounds to Goal: 96.2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the last time I'm looking backward...
My weight wasn't as high as I figured it would be, but it was close. My last WI was 19 weeks ago... I weighed 233.2 lbs then.... & if I think about it, if I was REALLY all that bad, gaining all of my weight back & then some wouldn't have been impossible over 19 weeks (I gained 25 lbs in one month back in high school after going off WW the first time!)... so I guess that JUST a 13 lb gain isn't as awful as it could've been, huh? But it was still unnecessary...

But I'm back...
I'm pissed...
& I'm determined to find the balance I need in my life to make it all work!

I promised a picture, didn't I? Ugh. I'll post one, soon. I'm going to take pictures, starting measurements, etc...

So I'll be back.

Till then...

TIME FOR CHANGE...

Okay... here we are, again...

It's November 5th... the day after a historic Presidential Election.... the country is looking for change, something better...

...I'm feeling like it's time for me to begin looking for change in my life, too... DEFINITELY something better.

I totally lost sight of ME these last few years.... I'm lovin' what I've been up to... but I basically sacrificed myself in the process.

It's been since late June since I've been to a WW meeting... even though I hadn't been following the program since forever, I had still been trying to get to a meeting at least once a month for a little reality check...

I'm in dire need of a reality check... whether I truly want to face it or not. There's a meeting this morning, I'm gonna go. It's one of my favorite leaders, Pam... she lost 190 lbs after several starts/restarts, so she gets it. I'm thoroughly embarrassed, but I'm just hurting myself by staying away out of vanity.

I won't be surprised if I'm over 250 lbs. Ugh.

I'm pretty pissed @ myself... maybe that's what I need to get & keep me motivated. I've always wondered what it would take... I just don't know. Obviously my faith in myself is pretty low... I've continued to blow it over & over again for several years now... so I don't trust myself very much these days.

As much as I don't want to, I'll take a picture of myself & post it today... after I've showered, LOL... & gone to my meeting.

Time to make a committment to myself...