FRUSTRATED...

If you've read through my other posts, you'll see I've not had any steady losses since the fall of 2004... almost 3 1/3 years of a whole lot of nothing.

I'm good, I'm bad, I'm inconsistent.

The positive thing about most of that time is that I had been able to at least keep most of that weight I already lost off.

That was until my focus was redirected to glass, big time! I've been so hyper-focused on lampworking that I've not taken any time to focus on ME. No exercise (none), no journaling, nothing. I haven't been AWFUL... but you all know that when you've lost weight you HAVE to pay attention (till death do you part). You have to continue to do what it took to get the weight off in the first place.

This lack of attention has finally started to take its toll. I held it back as long as I could, but the weight is slowly starting to creep back on. I have now gained just about half of my 90 lbs back. I like to think about it more like I've "just" gained 1/3 of the 75 lbs I've been able to keep off (I've been hovering around 75 lbs lost for about 3 of those 3 1/2 years), it's less painful that way. LOL.

Anyway... I'm tired... especially so from being sick...I'm emotional & frustrated...

The past few weeks, realizing how long it's been since I've had any consistent positive movement, it's hard to keep myself from looking back on all of that & feeling like it's just time to give up the fight. In a way I kind of feel like I already have, I just hadn't told myself yet.

...but then I know in my head that I DON'T want to go back there. I don't want to continue to gain...to get back up to 275 lbs & then 300 lbs & then what??? I already know that there is no weight that my body WON'T go beyond (like I thought FOR SURE I would never go beyond 150 lbs, way back when).

So... I'm not giving up. I'm going to fight. I'm going to work on getting my head back to where it was when I consistently losing... consistently positive... consistently on top of it.

I just need to start paying attention again.

Time to find some balance.

Time to JUST DO IT.

Stay tuned...