FIFTH WW ANNIVERSARY...

I forgot, my 5th anniversary w/ WW passed on January 23rd... not alot of fanfare, obviously, I thought for sure I'd be @ goal by my 5th anniversary... instead, I'm further away from it. Bummer.

Oh well... I'm working on it, right?

Let's look @ the positive stuff, shall we???

FIVE YEARS... I've never given up. (never even crossed my mind until recently). I could've lost 20 lbs back in 2003, quit, like my former M.O., & would've then gained 50 lbs, if not [much] more. I'd be sitting here over 300 lbs, depressed, uncomfortable, etc... I'd embarrass my kids, my husband, myself.

FIVE YEARS... hmmmmmmm... what else...
I'm definitely eating healthier... even if not perfect. (my family, too!) I LOVE fruits & veggies. I was lucky if I ate even one serving of either a week, if even. If anything, it was stuff like canned peaches, if I recall. LOL. I never used to eat broccoli...cooked or raw. I remember starting a thread on the WW GoaD board way back when asking what I could put on my cooked broccoli so I could eat it w/out drenching it in butter. Now I love it plain... just a little bit of garlic sea salt. Yum. I love most veggies... raw or cooked, plain. Fruit, too. Apples, MANGOES, clementines, grapefruit, grapes, etc... Such a yummy / sweet snacks.

I'll keep thinking... there are good things still happening... I just need to remember.

DOING WELL TODAY...

I've had 5 great days of THJing (Totally Honest Journaling)... been paying attention to all of the basics... making sure to get in my oils, which is easy to miss if I'm not writing it down. I'm even trying to get in enough grains/fiber, which is usually tough, for some reason... but I've been trying to find high fiber items & have been EATING them, too!! :o)

This morning I had a cup of Kashi Cinnamon Harvest Cereal (3 pts).. dry...I just love it, love the crunch. Higher fiber (5g), lowish sugar (9g...wish it was a little lower)... I cut up a banana into pretty thin slices & just ate the two (w/ coffee & milk) finger foods over a period of about 30 minutes. It's pretty satisfying. Normally I would've put the banana in the cereal & had it wet... having to eat it too quickly so it doesn't become mush... not very satisfying.

Anyways...it feels good. I have to remember that. I remember back when I was doing REALLY well, I would tell myself to remember how positive I was feeling, how well everything in my life seemed to be going better when I was keeping it together. It helped to recall that feeling because it made it easier to get back on track easily when I stumbled a bit because I hate feeling down on myself. I had forgotten about that feeling.

It's easy to get back... you just have to do it. Just have to remember that.

So, I'm working on that... keeping these feelings up front in my head...trying to remain focused on the positive. I know I can do it. Just gotta believe it. :o)

& I do.

FRUSTRATED...

If you've read through my other posts, you'll see I've not had any steady losses since the fall of 2004... almost 3 1/3 years of a whole lot of nothing.

I'm good, I'm bad, I'm inconsistent.

The positive thing about most of that time is that I had been able to at least keep most of that weight I already lost off.

That was until my focus was redirected to glass, big time! I've been so hyper-focused on lampworking that I've not taken any time to focus on ME. No exercise (none), no journaling, nothing. I haven't been AWFUL... but you all know that when you've lost weight you HAVE to pay attention (till death do you part). You have to continue to do what it took to get the weight off in the first place.

This lack of attention has finally started to take its toll. I held it back as long as I could, but the weight is slowly starting to creep back on. I have now gained just about half of my 90 lbs back. I like to think about it more like I've "just" gained 1/3 of the 75 lbs I've been able to keep off (I've been hovering around 75 lbs lost for about 3 of those 3 1/2 years), it's less painful that way. LOL.

Anyway... I'm tired... especially so from being sick...I'm emotional & frustrated...

The past few weeks, realizing how long it's been since I've had any consistent positive movement, it's hard to keep myself from looking back on all of that & feeling like it's just time to give up the fight. In a way I kind of feel like I already have, I just hadn't told myself yet.

...but then I know in my head that I DON'T want to go back there. I don't want to continue to gain...to get back up to 275 lbs & then 300 lbs & then what??? I already know that there is no weight that my body WON'T go beyond (like I thought FOR SURE I would never go beyond 150 lbs, way back when).

So... I'm not giving up. I'm going to fight. I'm going to work on getting my head back to where it was when I consistently losing... consistently positive... consistently on top of it.

I just need to start paying attention again.

Time to find some balance.

Time to JUST DO IT.

Stay tuned...

ALIVE & KICKING...

...FINALLY!

I just spent the last 3 weeks on the sofa...first week w/ a massive head & chest cold, week 2 brought on a lovely sinus infection, week 3 a painful ear infection!! FUN, FUN, FUN!! I've never had either infection before, I didn't realize how severe they can be! I'm so thankful that my children never had to deal w/ ear infections like some children do, poor babies...they can't tell us how bad the pain really is. That's sad.

Anyway...I've been AWFUL as far as nutrition goes & obviously no activity. I'm sure I'll be up.

Being sick really knocked my off keel, as far as emotions go. I'm pretty down, which really sucks. I'm sure the little bit of sugar I've consumed doesn't help my mood any, either.

Gotta get it back together, I'm really tired of this roller coaster.