When I started this journey in January 2003, I had 125 lbs to lose. At times I can’t help but think that if I had kept it together all along I would be @ goal aready. But then I realize that until THIS journey, I never believed I could stick w/ it for more than a few months. (as my previous “normal” M.O.)
I was reading some of my archived journal entries & RAMBLINGS here last night & came across something I wrote on my 2nd year WW Anniversary after realizing that even though I had reached my “all time low weight” in YEARS (185.6, almost 90 lbs lost w/ just 35.6 lbs to go), that w/ my end of the year stumble, I had netted only a 7 lb loss in my 2nd year w/ WW:
Yeah… sometimes it feels like I’m losing (the battle), especially when I look @ a number like THAT… feeling like I completely wasted a full year of my life… but then I sit back & realize that I’ve not given up… I’ve not thrown in the towel & said “I can’t do this!” I KNOW that this is my life & what I’ve learned this year is that it’s not as easy as I thought it was! :o) But I didn’t start this because I thought it would be easy. I didn’t begin this journey w/ a finish line in mind… I KNOW that this isn’t a race. I know that this isn’t all about always doing the right thing… that it’s more about stumbling & learning along the way. THAT’S what this year has been about for me… stumbling & learning along the way… being proud of myself not because I succeeded… but because I’m still here. I’m not giving up… that’s never crossed my mind.
I’ve hung in there for over 3 1/2 years now…186 weeks & I’m still here. Still stumbling & learning along the way… but I’m not about to give up. I’m figuring it out & I’m really proud of myself.
So, we continue on…
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Saturday, September 16, 2006
43 THINGS - GOAL #1
Keep losing weight till I reach goal weight
Another week of THJ, being completely sugar-free & getting in some APs (16)... I find myself another 1.8 lbs lighter! That puts me back under 200 (again), at 198.2 lbs to be exact…plan on staying there this time!! :o) That’s 8.8 lbs in 3 weeks… undoing the 8.2 lbs I gained over the 6 previous weeks! :o) Looking @ my weight chart of this long journey of mine (on my site), I haven’t been under 198 since March ‘05. Feels good, that’s for sure!
Nice to be in control instead of all over the place. I plan on staying that way… being sugar-free is definitely helping.
Now to kick the activity up a few notches. :o)
Julie
Another week of THJ, being completely sugar-free & getting in some APs (16)... I find myself another 1.8 lbs lighter! That puts me back under 200 (again), at 198.2 lbs to be exact…plan on staying there this time!! :o) That’s 8.8 lbs in 3 weeks… undoing the 8.2 lbs I gained over the 6 previous weeks! :o) Looking @ my weight chart of this long journey of mine (on my site), I haven’t been under 198 since March ‘05. Feels good, that’s for sure!
Nice to be in control instead of all over the place. I plan on staying that way… being sugar-free is definitely helping.
Now to kick the activity up a few notches. :o)
Julie
Saturday, September 9, 2006
RAMBLING...WHY SUGAR FREE??
I can see this is somewhat of a repeat from a few journal entries ago, this was part of my introduction to the group of people w/ the same goal. I think I go into a little more detail than I did a few journal entries ago.
Well… first of all, you have to realize that I’ve been doing WW for over 3 1/2 years now. I love it… it’s so simple. Eat whatever if you can fit it into your points, right? But at some point, about a year or so into it, I realized that I wanted to start looking at things more nutritionally… like a healthier/thinner person. So, I’ve been trying to cut out processed foods. All of the white stuff… white flour, white rice, white pasta, etc. It’s been tough to cut out things like snack bars & such, so many low point snacks are still highly processed. Sugar is a highly processed substance, too. I have found that I am at my worst when I am eating sweets. I have absolutely no control (of course I didn’t realize this until I was trying to control it!!). I CRAVE sweets & other bad carbs. They call to me. I’ve been doing “the dance” (up/down/up/up/down) w/ my weight for the past 2 years, mainly because of my struggle w/ sugar. PMS times are the worst… that whole week or two before my period I’d be completely out of control & it ticked me off that I couldn’t control myself. Talking to my doctor, she said that it’s not just in my head… that alot of women crave sugar during PMS… it’s a chemical thing. Felt like an excuse to me, but I went w/ it!! LOL! :o) At some point my doctor recommended a book to me… Potatoes Not Prozac ...to help deal w/ depression issues, but what I found is that it deals alot w/ SUGAR ADDICTION & how it affects mood & cravings & such. It’s an amazing book… I’m still needing to read it all, but it helped me make a decision early on…. time to break away from my sugar habit!
It’s hard to do… sugar has a major grip on most of us. Ever eat something sweet & 20 mintues later you’re wanting to eat more, or just eat “something” in general? Ever take a nibble of something sweet & then try to ignore it but it calls your name from across the room?? So you go back for another nibble, then another, then another? That’s sugar. (want to learn more? Sugar Addiction
Anyways… I find that after several days off of sugar, ALL cravings are gone. I could go all day & not think about food. It’s like night & day. I do sooooooooo well OP (on program / WW) when I’m sugar-free. I’ve been trying to be sugar-free since probably early spring this year. My mood was better, my “willpower” was fantastic, my weight losses were consistent, which has been a major problem for me over the past few years. Then I think “what’s wrong w/ having that piece of birthday cake?” Nothing, right? Just this once. Nope…it just knocks me over. Seriously. I figure I can catch it quickly & get it back under control but it does something to me… TOTALLY changes my mood, cravings are INTENSE! I’ve had 2 bouts w/ sugar since I started this… the first one lasted 6 weeks (after about 8 great weeks!), then I was great for a month (& lost all of the weight I gained over those 6 weeks), till another piece of birthday cake said it was okay… then I was gone for a month… till I got so down, I was weepy & moody & I HAD to weigh-in because the month was up, so I just did it, faced the 8 lb gain & used it to right myself. That was this past week… my first good week after a really really bad month….... NIGHT & DAY, completely. Each time I slip w/ the sugar it makes me more aware of how it affects me. So, I can use these bad periods as great learning experiences…that’s the good thing about it.
Speaking of “bad periods”, LOL, those God-awful sugar cravings I have when I’m PMSing?? When I’m sugar-free, they don’t exist… smooth sailing. Crazy, huh?
So… I just need to figure out how to make it work for me. The doctor who wrote “Potatoes Not Prozac” has a great website called Radiant Recovery ...worth checking out. Not just about the issue of how sugar plays into weight issues, but also substance addiction.
Well… first of all, you have to realize that I’ve been doing WW for over 3 1/2 years now. I love it… it’s so simple. Eat whatever if you can fit it into your points, right? But at some point, about a year or so into it, I realized that I wanted to start looking at things more nutritionally… like a healthier/thinner person. So, I’ve been trying to cut out processed foods. All of the white stuff… white flour, white rice, white pasta, etc. It’s been tough to cut out things like snack bars & such, so many low point snacks are still highly processed. Sugar is a highly processed substance, too. I have found that I am at my worst when I am eating sweets. I have absolutely no control (of course I didn’t realize this until I was trying to control it!!). I CRAVE sweets & other bad carbs. They call to me. I’ve been doing “the dance” (up/down/up/up/down) w/ my weight for the past 2 years, mainly because of my struggle w/ sugar. PMS times are the worst… that whole week or two before my period I’d be completely out of control & it ticked me off that I couldn’t control myself. Talking to my doctor, she said that it’s not just in my head… that alot of women crave sugar during PMS… it’s a chemical thing. Felt like an excuse to me, but I went w/ it!! LOL! :o) At some point my doctor recommended a book to me… Potatoes Not Prozac ...to help deal w/ depression issues, but what I found is that it deals alot w/ SUGAR ADDICTION & how it affects mood & cravings & such. It’s an amazing book… I’m still needing to read it all, but it helped me make a decision early on…. time to break away from my sugar habit!
It’s hard to do… sugar has a major grip on most of us. Ever eat something sweet & 20 mintues later you’re wanting to eat more, or just eat “something” in general? Ever take a nibble of something sweet & then try to ignore it but it calls your name from across the room?? So you go back for another nibble, then another, then another? That’s sugar. (want to learn more? Sugar Addiction
Anyways… I find that after several days off of sugar, ALL cravings are gone. I could go all day & not think about food. It’s like night & day. I do sooooooooo well OP (on program / WW) when I’m sugar-free. I’ve been trying to be sugar-free since probably early spring this year. My mood was better, my “willpower” was fantastic, my weight losses were consistent, which has been a major problem for me over the past few years. Then I think “what’s wrong w/ having that piece of birthday cake?” Nothing, right? Just this once. Nope…it just knocks me over. Seriously. I figure I can catch it quickly & get it back under control but it does something to me… TOTALLY changes my mood, cravings are INTENSE! I’ve had 2 bouts w/ sugar since I started this… the first one lasted 6 weeks (after about 8 great weeks!), then I was great for a month (& lost all of the weight I gained over those 6 weeks), till another piece of birthday cake said it was okay… then I was gone for a month… till I got so down, I was weepy & moody & I HAD to weigh-in because the month was up, so I just did it, faced the 8 lb gain & used it to right myself. That was this past week… my first good week after a really really bad month….... NIGHT & DAY, completely. Each time I slip w/ the sugar it makes me more aware of how it affects me. So, I can use these bad periods as great learning experiences…that’s the good thing about it.
Speaking of “bad periods”, LOL, those God-awful sugar cravings I have when I’m PMSing?? When I’m sugar-free, they don’t exist… smooth sailing. Crazy, huh?
So… I just need to figure out how to make it work for me. The doctor who wrote “Potatoes Not Prozac” has a great website called Radiant Recovery ...worth checking out. Not just about the issue of how sugar plays into weight issues, but also substance addiction.
43 THINGS - GOAL #4...
Get to my goal weight & become a WW leader...finally
I posted this to my buddies on GOAD over 2 1/2 years ago on my 1st WW Anniversary, January 23rd, 2004 , after losing around 65 lbs & feeling really confident about my future…
…because of YOU & my experience on GoaD, I know that I’m about to set the rest of my life in a completely different direction than I had ever planned. I AM going to become a WW Leader once I hit goal (which, before this year, I had never even THOUGHT about doing)... BUT, I want to do more. I want to be able to personally touch people as individuals. I don’t know how yet, I’m trying to work that out, but I know that I’m going to do SOMETHING. I’ve been told so many times that I was going to do something great w/ my life… I always thought it was something creative… something in the Interior Design world, or maybe something else, but something creative, Artsy. I realize now that this “SOMETHING” is much more personal. I believe in myself now… I believe I can help change lives, THAT is the “something” I’m going to set off to do.
Like I said… OVER 2 1/2 years ago I knew I wanted to become a WW Leader & help change people’s lives… but as I’ve been struggling w/ moving forward the past 2 years (see my first few Keep losing weight till I reach my goal weight posts on 43 Things to see more about that), I’ve lost sight of that desire I once had. Things were so easy for me early on that I was able to focus on other people’s struggles & I loved being able to do that. But the struggle of NOT losing weight has completely diverted my attention away from helping others.
I’ve been struggling the past few months w/ “what am I going to do w/ the rest of my life” questions since my kids are back in school & I’m left w/ too much time on my hands. WHEN I’m working, the work that I do is freelance & extremely specialized (I design & draw, by hand, custom cabinetry & furniture) & pays really well. The designers I’ve been working w/ for the past 10 years aren’t very busy right now & I’m not really excited about looking for other designers to work w/. I’m feeling extremely unskilled as far as any other “career” type jobs go & am feeling really spoiled as I don’t want to bother w/ any unskilled/minimum wage paying job.
I’m too creative for my own good & too ADD to decide on any one creative outlet (not that any would pay well). If I wanted to dig deeper into the design world, like maybe become an architect (which I would love), I would have to get all of the basic college courses out of the way first, as my design degree is an Associates Degree, which was 100% Interior Design… so an actual high-end architect job just seems so out of reach, like I’d be starting from scratch.
Sooooooooooooooo… as I’m continuing to struggle w/ figuring out how to get myself moving forward w/ weight-loss again & trying to figure out what to do w/ my life, I started remembering my early desire to become a WW Leader & realized that THIS was the answer I’ve been looking for. Not only does it make me want to REALLY really focus on what I need to do to get this weight off once & for all so I can become a Lifetime WW member & be qualified to work for WW… but it answers my burning “what to do w/ my life” question. I know I’m not going to get rich being a leader… but that’s what my DH is for, LOL… I just need to be doing something fulfilling & also feel like I’m contributing to “our” finances, as little as it may be. I’ve always said that I would be happy to work for minimum wage doing something I love…like in a garden shop… unskilled, probably, but good for your soul… nurturing something… plants, people, etc. Being a leader is also very flexible, which works great for my family.
Okay… I’m talking myself into circles, what a surprise. :o) I’m just feeling really good about this. So now let’s see what we can do to get there…
More to come…
I posted this to my buddies on GOAD over 2 1/2 years ago on my 1st WW Anniversary, January 23rd, 2004 , after losing around 65 lbs & feeling really confident about my future…
…because of YOU & my experience on GoaD, I know that I’m about to set the rest of my life in a completely different direction than I had ever planned. I AM going to become a WW Leader once I hit goal (which, before this year, I had never even THOUGHT about doing)... BUT, I want to do more. I want to be able to personally touch people as individuals. I don’t know how yet, I’m trying to work that out, but I know that I’m going to do SOMETHING. I’ve been told so many times that I was going to do something great w/ my life… I always thought it was something creative… something in the Interior Design world, or maybe something else, but something creative, Artsy. I realize now that this “SOMETHING” is much more personal. I believe in myself now… I believe I can help change lives, THAT is the “something” I’m going to set off to do.
Like I said… OVER 2 1/2 years ago I knew I wanted to become a WW Leader & help change people’s lives… but as I’ve been struggling w/ moving forward the past 2 years (see my first few Keep losing weight till I reach my goal weight posts on 43 Things to see more about that), I’ve lost sight of that desire I once had. Things were so easy for me early on that I was able to focus on other people’s struggles & I loved being able to do that. But the struggle of NOT losing weight has completely diverted my attention away from helping others.
I’ve been struggling the past few months w/ “what am I going to do w/ the rest of my life” questions since my kids are back in school & I’m left w/ too much time on my hands. WHEN I’m working, the work that I do is freelance & extremely specialized (I design & draw, by hand, custom cabinetry & furniture) & pays really well. The designers I’ve been working w/ for the past 10 years aren’t very busy right now & I’m not really excited about looking for other designers to work w/. I’m feeling extremely unskilled as far as any other “career” type jobs go & am feeling really spoiled as I don’t want to bother w/ any unskilled/minimum wage paying job.
I’m too creative for my own good & too ADD to decide on any one creative outlet (not that any would pay well). If I wanted to dig deeper into the design world, like maybe become an architect (which I would love), I would have to get all of the basic college courses out of the way first, as my design degree is an Associates Degree, which was 100% Interior Design… so an actual high-end architect job just seems so out of reach, like I’d be starting from scratch.
Sooooooooooooooo… as I’m continuing to struggle w/ figuring out how to get myself moving forward w/ weight-loss again & trying to figure out what to do w/ my life, I started remembering my early desire to become a WW Leader & realized that THIS was the answer I’ve been looking for. Not only does it make me want to REALLY really focus on what I need to do to get this weight off once & for all so I can become a Lifetime WW member & be qualified to work for WW… but it answers my burning “what to do w/ my life” question. I know I’m not going to get rich being a leader… but that’s what my DH is for, LOL… I just need to be doing something fulfilling & also feel like I’m contributing to “our” finances, as little as it may be. I’ve always said that I would be happy to work for minimum wage doing something I love…like in a garden shop… unskilled, probably, but good for your soul… nurturing something… plants, people, etc. Being a leader is also very flexible, which works great for my family.
Okay… I’m talking myself into circles, what a surprise. :o) I’m just feeling really good about this. So now let’s see what we can do to get there…
More to come…
Saturday, September 2, 2006
July 29th thru August 26th:
2 birthdays, lots of cake, more sugar, lots of cravings, no journaling, skipped meetings, zero activity, etc... perfect recipe for disaster, don't you think?? What a surprise, gained 8 lbs.
1 week later:
100% THJ (Totally Honest Journaling), no sugar, all of the basics (water, fruits & veggies, dairy, oil, etc)... I lost 4.6 lbs!! Yeah! Back down to 202.4 lbs.
I swear, every time I go sugar-free I see the best weight loss... even the very first time I tried it for a week in 2005.
Yeah Me!! :o)
Now on to Week 2 of THJ!
1 week later:
100% THJ (Totally Honest Journaling), no sugar, all of the basics (water, fruits & veggies, dairy, oil, etc)... I lost 4.6 lbs!! Yeah! Back down to 202.4 lbs.
I swear, every time I go sugar-free I see the best weight loss... even the very first time I tried it for a week in 2005.
Yeah Me!! :o)
Now on to Week 2 of THJ!
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