3 YEAR WW ANNIVERSARY - January 23rd - aka "Kicking & Screaming"

2 o'clock in the morning...

UGH.

3 years.

A year ago I never thought I'd be sitting here a full year later not only having NOT reached goal (still), but having taken many large steps backwards rather than any positive movement forward.

I'm really frustrated right now. Can you tell?
Geez...I feel like I've lost it.
Just give me a minute to get this frustration out .......................ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darn it...
Okay... deep breath.......

This was supposed to be a THOUGHTFUL / HOPEFUL post........ it's my anniversary afterall. That's something to be proud of, right?? I'm still here... I'm still fighting... I've never walked away in these 3 years... but crap....it seems like I'm stuggling more than I'm not these days.

I'm not too sure what it's going to take to get me moving forward again. I feel like I'm falling backwards faster & faster at the moment.

What happened to my Birthday goal? What happened to the Healthy Habits Contest?? Seems like when I challenge myself I take even larger steps backwards. What in the world?? Sounds like something to bring to my shrink! :o)

Sorry... just a little frustrated. This anniversary is just making me look back on a year of what feels like HUGE failures at the moment.

I need to make a plan. I need to get selfish & start focusing on me again. I need to lose the destructive habits I've formed that are getting me nowhere.... staying up too late... playing SUDOKU every chance I get (new addiction)... watching THREE soaps (recording them when I'm not home & watching them LATE)... late night snacking... & the list goes on & on. I think alot of this can be taken care of by getting to bed earlier... having a regular bedtime, getting consistent amounts of sleep... refocusing & trying to structure my time. I've never been a planner... never given myself any structure... it's time to do that, don't you think???

I don't know. Maybe this is the year I just work on getting it together. Not specifically weight, but everything. Maybe that's asking too much... maybe it's not specific enough. I gotta think it through.

What do I want? Where should I be as a responsible 40 year old adult??? Where do I want to be this time next year?

I feel like I know everything I need to know & it's just about doing it. I have a hard time asking for help since I'm so darn knowledgeable :o) ........ but I'll listen... gimme a clue, please! :o)

Thanks guys. I'm so glad you're all here. Hope you made it all the way through my babbling... I DO know how to ramble on, don't I?? :o)

Julie


Here are some stats...
Dec. 22, 2002 - 275 lbs (start journaling/counting points)
Jan. 23, 2003 - Join WW - 265 lbs.
Jan. 23, 2004 - 1 year WW anniv. - 204 lbs.
2/28/04 - Onderland
9/4/04 -185.6 lbs - almost 90 lbs lost
struggle, struggle, struggle...
Jan. 23, 2005 - 2 year WW anniv. - 195 lbs
struggle, struggle, struggle...
5/05 - back in Twoterville
struggle, struggle, struggle...
RESTART...9/10/05 -201 lbs.
struggle, struggle, struggle...
12/31/05 - 214 lbs.
???

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Posted later the same afternoon after some sleep & much thought...

Thank you guys, for your words of encouragement today...it REALLY means so much to have you all in my corner... you all know exactly what I'm dealing w/ & knowing there's a place to just lay it all out there is kinda theraputic, don't you think??

After getting the kids off to school, eating a banana & climbing back into bed for a little while, I got up & read your responses & just tried to get my day off on a better foot. Ate a good lunch (tuna & veggies) & have just been thinking about what it means & what it takes to be thoughtful... conscious...full of purpose for a change.

I'm considering switching to CORE, again... tried 3 times before, lost my head w/in a few weeks each time...so I don't really know WHY I'm even thinkiing about it, but I like the fact that CORE puts your focus on NUTRITION & whole foods. I guess I'm nervous about giving up on the journaling, though, I know THAT's why this has worked for me & why when I'm NOT jouraling it DOESN'T work for me. I need to find a balance, somehow. For now I'm going to focus on CORE foods, CORE recipes, because I know they're so much healthier, but I'll continue to do flex...journal, count points. We'll see. Maybe @ some point I'll drop the point counting & then eventuallly I'll move from fully journaling to just tracking the daily basics. Don't know... we'll see. :o)

Anyways... it's been an emotional day, but I realize that there's no need to panic. It's just time to really sit down & figure out what I'm really wanting here... figure out how to get my focus back to where it needs to be, etc.

I've decided that I'm going to be going to bed by 10pm NO MATTER WHAT from now on. (DH would like this, too!) If there was something I needed to get done I can get up early & take care of it. AND I'll ONLY get 8 hours of sleep. :o) Something that I tend to do if I go to bed early is continue to sleep in as late as I possibly can... sometimes getting 10+ hours of sleep. The whole purpose is forming a consistent sleep pattern AND getting up early enough to have a thoughtful & productive morning each & every day...giving me some time to plan things out for my day.

Anyways... other than my anniversary thread, the board has been dead today, so I just wanted to say HI...hope you're all having a great day.

Thanks again! It's nice to have a soft place to land sometimes. :o)

Julie