FACING THE MENTAL MONSTER...

Okay... after facing the "metal" monster this morning, I now get to deal w/ the fact that I gained FOURTEEN pounds in 4 weeks. I've been out of control... busy, tired, not really giving a crap about what I should or shouldn't put in my mouth... enjoying every minute of it, except for the fact that I knew what kind of damage I was doing, but also knew it was just for a while, that I'd be back on my feet after the holidays.

Fourteen pounds... that's alot of damage that I get to undo. I'm disapppointed in myself... that LITERALLY puts me back TWO years... not quite 2 years of progress, obviously, but to my weight 2 years ago. That makes me sick. I'm hoping that it'll make me determined, too. I'd like to say it will... it does at the moment, but will it last? I've been all over the place this last year. Frustrating, disheartening.

I was okay w/ my WI at the time it happened, well, as okay as you can be w/ THAT behind you...I knew it was going to be bad. I sat down & talked to 2 of my buddies & then the meeting started & she (not my regular leader) started talking about reviewing this past year, what went well, what didn't go so well & I just lost it. Yikes!! I almost got up & went to the bathroom, but I stayed. I sit in the front row facing front, so the only one who could see that my eyes were tearing up was the leader & my 2 buddies & I kept it together as best as I could, but I was definitely feeling a bit lost, I guess.

I don't know. I know what to do. I know how "doing the right thing" makes me feel. I remember what it feels like to be really proud of myself & how well just about everything else in my life seems to go when THIS part of my life is going well, so I'm just going to refocus.

I'm excited about the challenge... thank you Pansy for getting this together for us. I think we ALL really need a challenge. Kick my butt, guys, if it's obvious by my numbers that I'm not giving it 100%. I plan to do so.

Thanks for being here, guys... this little group, knowing that at least SOMEONE is out there... maybe not right this second, but sometime in the next 24 hours (or so??), it helps... alot.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Here's to facing the mental monster together. :o)

Julie