I REACHED MY GOAL!!

I'm back in TWOTERVILLE!!! Yeah me! NOT!!

Obviously it wasn't a desired goal of mine, but the fact that I've been going through one of those MINDLESS phases lately (letting life get in the way) I was completely expecting to see 200 on the scale at my Saturday WI & I didn't let myself down!! (of course I wore JEANS & had Chinese the night before, which never helps, but I didn't care)

So... not only am I back in TWOTERVILLE, it was almost exactly a year ago that I SLOWLY worked my way OUT of it... so I’ve completely wiped out this full year! Crazy!!

I'm proud of myself, though. Weird, huh? My normal M.O. (THIS journey... previous M.O. would've been to give up WAY BACK WHEN) is to NOT WI & just see if I could get it back together for the next WI. I NEVER wanted to see 200 on the scale again... & DEFINITELY didn't want it written down in my WI booklet! But Saturday morning I realized that it was time to stop playing that game & that I really needed to face reality, no matter how ugly it was.

When I went to step on the scale, I told the receptionist that I fully expected to be back in the 200s & she confirmed that I indeed was... said that it was time to start fresh & did I want to start a new WI booklet? I say "nope", those booklets are important to me & I wasn't going to leave one incomplete just because I didn't like the number on it.

Anyways... I was okay w/ it... well, sorta. I did get a little teary-eyed when I was walking to my truck... disappointed w/ myself, but I knew that it was reality & it was probably just what I needed to get my fire lit again.

I’m having such a strange time w/ this... knowing EXACTLY what I need to do... knowing EXACTLY what I need to be telling myself to get the momentum going again... positive self talk, finding things to be proud of... all of those “cheerleading” things that I’ve said to you guys for the last 2 years... but I’m just so busy, tired & worn out, that it’s just so much easier to be mindless, like I used to be. I hate that.

Anyways (I like saying anyways, LOL!)... I’m working through it right now... MAKING myself “just do it” because I know it’s what will help get me going again.

...& I AM proud of myself... I’m still here (although not HERE much)... this is still my life & I’m NEVER going to give up...

...I’d just really like to start moving forward again! :o)

So, I’ve given up on CORE... I TRIED it again last week & you can see what happened. There’s something that trips me up each time I try to go w/out journaling... not only do I not journal the CORE items, but I find myself not journaling ANYTHING. Journaling has obviously been what works for me... I didn’t start this downward spiral until just after I first tried CORE in the fall... so it’s pretty obvious. I still want to EAT CORE... healthy / whole foods are the direction I want to head...(I HAVE to get rid of this sugar addiction I have!) but I have to journal EVERYTHING. It’s been tough to get back in the habit of journaling (& measuring/weighing), but I’m going to do it because it’s what works.

Anyways :o)
...thanks for listening guys!!


Julie


....OH, the GOAL thing... I had been talking to my DH a few days before about how I’m feeling way out of control & he’s been really supportive, knowing it’s just a phase for me... & I told him before I went to WW that I was fully expecting to be back in the 200s & when I got home he said “So how did it go?” & I said “201!” & he put his thumb up & said “Yeah, you did it!!” (all supportive-like) & I said “Yeah, I reached my goal!!” LOL!