Okay... after facing the "metal" monster this morning, I now get to deal w/ the fact that I gained FOURTEEN pounds in 4 weeks. I've been out of control... busy, tired, not really giving a crap about what I should or shouldn't put in my mouth... enjoying every minute of it, except for the fact that I knew what kind of damage I was doing, but also knew it was just for a while, that I'd be back on my feet after the holidays.
Fourteen pounds... that's alot of damage that I get to undo. I'm disapppointed in myself... that LITERALLY puts me back TWO years... not quite 2 years of progress, obviously, but to my weight 2 years ago. That makes me sick. I'm hoping that it'll make me determined, too. I'd like to say it will... it does at the moment, but will it last? I've been all over the place this last year. Frustrating, disheartening.
I was okay w/ my WI at the time it happened, well, as okay as you can be w/ THAT behind you...I knew it was going to be bad. I sat down & talked to 2 of my buddies & then the meeting started & she (not my regular leader) started talking about reviewing this past year, what went well, what didn't go so well & I just lost it. Yikes!! I almost got up & went to the bathroom, but I stayed. I sit in the front row facing front, so the only one who could see that my eyes were tearing up was the leader & my 2 buddies & I kept it together as best as I could, but I was definitely feeling a bit lost, I guess.
I don't know. I know what to do. I know how "doing the right thing" makes me feel. I remember what it feels like to be really proud of myself & how well just about everything else in my life seems to go when THIS part of my life is going well, so I'm just going to refocus.
I'm excited about the challenge... thank you Pansy for getting this together for us. I think we ALL really need a challenge. Kick my butt, guys, if it's obvious by my numbers that I'm not giving it 100%. I plan to do so.
Thanks for being here, guys... this little group, knowing that at least SOMEONE is out there... maybe not right this second, but sometime in the next 24 hours (or so??), it helps... alot.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Here's to facing the mental monster together. :o)
Julie
Saturday, December 31, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 16 WEEKS OP
Weeks OP: 16 (150)
Weight: 213.8
Weight: Loss/Gain: +14
WW Total Loss: 51.2
Grand Total Loss: 61.2
Pounds to Goal: 63.4
Weight: Loss/Gain: +14
WW Total Loss: 51.2
Grand Total Loss: 61.2
Pounds to Goal: 63.4
Reality Check! HUGE gain!
The Devil made me do it!!! The holidays were rough. I let the sugar monster get a hold of me & not let go! (maybe it was ME who didn't let go?)
The Devil made me do it!!! The holidays were rough. I let the sugar monster get a hold of me & not let go! (maybe it was ME who didn't let go?)
Friday, December 30, 2005
UGH...Holidays!
Good morning, all!
okay... lets try an abridged post today :o)
Jeans are WAY past tight...that's supposed to be my alarm, it's quite loud now! :o)
Time to chill w/ the sweets & junk.
Facing the scale tomorrow...
...about time.
SHOULD be OP today...
...gonna happen??
Don't know.
What's w/ that attitude?
I know how good it feels to be "doing the right thing".
...just tired, I guess.
I posted pictures on my website of the cake I did for my best friend's little boy's 1st birthday...
...also current family pictures
...haven't updated my weight chart since September, even though I've WI since then. It's been about 4 weeks. Will update it this weekend. It's going to be ugly. (will be in the negatives since my September restart)
Shopping & going to see Chronicles of Narnia w/ the kids today.
Have a great New Year's Eve/Day, all. Going to the neighbors to play.
So much for abridged! :o)
Julie
okay... lets try an abridged post today :o)
Jeans are WAY past tight...that's supposed to be my alarm, it's quite loud now! :o)
Time to chill w/ the sweets & junk.
Facing the scale tomorrow...
...about time.
SHOULD be OP today...
...gonna happen??
Don't know.
What's w/ that attitude?
I know how good it feels to be "doing the right thing".
...just tired, I guess.
I posted pictures on my website of the cake I did for my best friend's little boy's 1st birthday...
...also current family pictures
...haven't updated my weight chart since September, even though I've WI since then. It's been about 4 weeks. Will update it this weekend. It's going to be ugly. (will be in the negatives since my September restart)
Shopping & going to see Chronicles of Narnia w/ the kids today.
Have a great New Year's Eve/Day, all. Going to the neighbors to play.
So much for abridged! :o)
Julie
Saturday, December 3, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 12 WEEKS OP
Weeks OP: 12 (146)
Weight: Loss/Gain: 199.8
WW Total Loss: -1.4 (75.2)
Pounds to Goal: 49.8
Weight: Loss/Gain: 199.8
WW Total Loss: -1.4 (75.2)
Pounds to Goal: 49.8
Saturday, November 12, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 9 WEEKS OP
Weeks OP: 9 (143)
Weight: 199.6
Loss/Gain: +0.6
WW Total Loss: -1.6 (75.4)
Pounds to Goal: 49.6
Saturday, November 5, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 8 WEEKS OP
had a great week!
Weeks OP: 8 (143)
Weight: 199
Loss/Gain: -2
WW Total Loss: -2.2 (76)
Pounds to Goal: 49
Weeks OP: 8 (143)
Weight: 199
Loss/Gain: -2
WW Total Loss: -2.2 (76)
Pounds to Goal: 49
TWO MORE POUNDS BITES THE DUST...
Back under 200... took me around 12 years the first time, only 5 1/2 months this time! :o)
Although I was expecting more, as stated before, 2 pounds is pretty incredible for me! The last time I lost 2 pounds was in MARCH... the last time I lost 2 weeks in a row was July... before that was March... feel like I'm on a roll here!! :o)
How'z everyone else doing???
Julie
Although I was expecting more, as stated before, 2 pounds is pretty incredible for me! The last time I lost 2 pounds was in MARCH... the last time I lost 2 weeks in a row was July... before that was March... feel like I'm on a roll here!! :o)
How'z everyone else doing???
Julie
Sunday, October 30, 2005
SEE, I TOLD YOU! YOU CAN'T COUNT ON THE SCALE FOR ANYTHING!!!!
So... I've kicked butt all week...have worked out really hard each day, have been really good OP, journaled everything, gotten in most of my BASICS each day, etc... but like I said yesterday, I wasn't expecting anything w/ my WI today as my biceps & thighs still hurt from working out so hard Thursday & Friday, so I knew I was holding lactic acid still in my muscles, so maybe a few extra pounds for that... plus some girly stuff, ewwwww, that would have me up 3-5 lbs today... so I said "what the heck" & decided that I may as well shift over to jeans today, right? So an extra pound there (yes, I weighed them! LOL!!)
When I was checking in, I told the receptionist that today's WI was a test in "temporary weight gain" & gave her my list of reasons... told her that I would be VERY surprised to have gained less than 5 lbs... of course I knew that next week would be better, so no biggie, right? Well... I stepped on the scale, she says "oh, you stinker!!" & started laughing!!! I'm like "WHAT?? Not 5 lbs??" & she said "what would you say if you had a loss??" & I just laughed!!
HOLY CRAP... I LOST 1.4 lbs!!! LOL!!!
Can you imagine what the scale is going to say NEXT week???
See... can't count on the scale for anything. :o)
Julie
When I was checking in, I told the receptionist that today's WI was a test in "temporary weight gain" & gave her my list of reasons... told her that I would be VERY surprised to have gained less than 5 lbs... of course I knew that next week would be better, so no biggie, right? Well... I stepped on the scale, she says "oh, you stinker!!" & started laughing!!! I'm like "WHAT?? Not 5 lbs??" & she said "what would you say if you had a loss??" & I just laughed!!
HOLY CRAP... I LOST 1.4 lbs!!! LOL!!!
Can you imagine what the scale is going to say NEXT week???
See... can't count on the scale for anything. :o)
Julie
Saturday, October 29, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 7 WEEKS OP
Weeks OP: 7 (142)
Weight: 201
Loss/Gain: -1.6
WW Total Loss: -0.2 (72)
*TOTAL Loss: 51*
Pounds to Goal: ...
*includes the 10lb lost before WW.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
29 WEEKS TO GOAL!! (my accountability thread)
This is a thread that I wrote to my buddies @ MSN GoaD as I'm figuring out how to get my butt to GOAL...
Hey guys... I'm just spelling this out here to you all so you can keep me accountable each week as I'm counting down.
This is what I wrote to Al in Saturday's thread (a very lonely thread, I might add!!!) "I had a "not so fabulous" WI today... up 1.4 lbs! Crazy!!! I didn't know what I was to expect... I mean my points were in the hole from Sunday on, but I never went any further down, so I wasn't sure if that would mean anything... I took that Basic Training class on Thursday, I feel it a little bit in my legs, so there could be some residual fluid there, but I doubt much... there are a few other explainable reasons that I've sworn not to go into on the "guys" board :o) & that's more than likely it, but it still ticks me off!! :o) Well... not really... it didn't bother me much @ the time, but I'm tired of this rollercoaster & would like to get off now!! :o)"
So... I thought about it a bit the rest of the day... thinking about how I had said at the beginning of year 2 of WW (January 23rd, 2005) that "I was going to reach goal this year" & here we are, 3 months to the beginning of year 3... sitting right where I was 9 months ago (actually up 7 lbs or so)... so reaching goal by then is a little bit of a reach (you think??)...... so I'm thinking, what can I do to get myself focusing harder towards getting to goal??? Well... I'm turning FORTY on May 16th & I certainly think that being @ goal by the time I turn 40 would be AWESOME!!! So, I figured it out... it's 29 weeks away... I have 52 lbs to lose to get to 150... that's 1.79 lbs a week....... pushing it?? Yep! But, I figure if I really REALLY put my heart & soul into it like I really WANT to be doing, I can do it. I want to do it.
(I know, I know, Marcia... timed goals aren't your favorite, mine either... & certainly not ones that are about losing weight for something like a wedding or reunion... or a specific birthday!!! ...but I figure I have to have SOME sort of date to work towards)
So... here I am. I've built an Excel Spreadsheet to chart my progress. I plan on starting an every other day weight training regimen, as well as a definite scheduled cardio regimen. I've always said that I'm not going to do more than what I can practically live w/ for the rest of my life & yeah, this isn't all that practical for the long haul... but I HAVE to do something. I've been VERY laid back w/ this journey of mine... not stressing out over the bumps along the way... not worrying about the progress I've NOT made over the last year, knowing that I'll get there... SOME DAY... but not worrying over when. This laid back attitude of mine is getting me nowhere & I really REALLY want to get to goal... I also really REALLY want to become a WW leader... that's something I had forgotten about this past year.
Anyways... that's enough rambling on. :o) I've had several great weeks OP... even if the scale doesn't reflect that... but I see how great I feel & how smooth things go when I'm doing what I need to be doing... journaling EVERYTHING, positive attitude, etc. I can do this, I know I can!
So... keep me accountable guys. I'm counting on it.
Julie
Hey guys... I'm just spelling this out here to you all so you can keep me accountable each week as I'm counting down.
This is what I wrote to Al in Saturday's thread (a very lonely thread, I might add!!!) "I had a "not so fabulous" WI today... up 1.4 lbs! Crazy!!! I didn't know what I was to expect... I mean my points were in the hole from Sunday on, but I never went any further down, so I wasn't sure if that would mean anything... I took that Basic Training class on Thursday, I feel it a little bit in my legs, so there could be some residual fluid there, but I doubt much... there are a few other explainable reasons that I've sworn not to go into on the "guys" board :o) & that's more than likely it, but it still ticks me off!! :o) Well... not really... it didn't bother me much @ the time, but I'm tired of this rollercoaster & would like to get off now!! :o)"
So... I thought about it a bit the rest of the day... thinking about how I had said at the beginning of year 2 of WW (January 23rd, 2005) that "I was going to reach goal this year" & here we are, 3 months to the beginning of year 3... sitting right where I was 9 months ago (actually up 7 lbs or so)... so reaching goal by then is a little bit of a reach (you think??)...... so I'm thinking, what can I do to get myself focusing harder towards getting to goal??? Well... I'm turning FORTY on May 16th & I certainly think that being @ goal by the time I turn 40 would be AWESOME!!! So, I figured it out... it's 29 weeks away... I have 52 lbs to lose to get to 150... that's 1.79 lbs a week....... pushing it?? Yep! But, I figure if I really REALLY put my heart & soul into it like I really WANT to be doing, I can do it. I want to do it.
(I know, I know, Marcia... timed goals aren't your favorite, mine either... & certainly not ones that are about losing weight for something like a wedding or reunion... or a specific birthday!!! ...but I figure I have to have SOME sort of date to work towards)
So... here I am. I've built an Excel Spreadsheet to chart my progress. I plan on starting an every other day weight training regimen, as well as a definite scheduled cardio regimen. I've always said that I'm not going to do more than what I can practically live w/ for the rest of my life & yeah, this isn't all that practical for the long haul... but I HAVE to do something. I've been VERY laid back w/ this journey of mine... not stressing out over the bumps along the way... not worrying about the progress I've NOT made over the last year, knowing that I'll get there... SOME DAY... but not worrying over when. This laid back attitude of mine is getting me nowhere & I really REALLY want to get to goal... I also really REALLY want to become a WW leader... that's something I had forgotten about this past year.
Anyways... that's enough rambling on. :o) I've had several great weeks OP... even if the scale doesn't reflect that... but I see how great I feel & how smooth things go when I'm doing what I need to be doing... journaling EVERYTHING, positive attitude, etc. I can do this, I know I can!
So... keep me accountable guys. I'm counting on it.
Julie
Saturday, October 22, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 6 WEEKS OP
29 WEEKS TO GOAL!!
Trying to be accountable...
Weeks OP: 6 (141)
Weight: 202.6
Loss/Gain: +1.8
TOTAL Loss: +1.4 (72.4)
Pounds to Goal: 52.6
Saturday, October 15, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 5 WEEKS OP
Weeks OP: 5 (140)
Weight: 200.8
Loss/Gain: -2.4
TOTAL Loss: -0.4 (74.2)
Pounds to Goal: 50.8
Weight: 200.8
Loss/Gain: -2.4
TOTAL Loss: -0.4 (74.2)
Pounds to Goal: 50.8
Saturday, October 8, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 4 WEEKS OP
Weeks OP: 4 (139)
Weight: 203.2
Loss/Gain: +0.2
TOTAL Loss: -2 (71.8)
Pounds to Goal: 53.2
Weight: 203.2
Loss/Gain: +0.2
TOTAL Loss: -2 (71.8)
Pounds to Goal: 53.2
Sunday, September 25, 2005
UPDATE...
Didn't WI today (although I had a FANTASTIC week!)... too many factors that would influence the scale, so I decided to just pass this week... might possibly do the same next week... give me a few weeks to build up to a GREAT WI!
This week's activity is identical to what was listed above...something DAILY... took my 2nd BASIC TRAINING class on Thursday ... it was rough, but awesome! No walking lunges this week, so I didn't feel it as much in my legs afterwards, THANK GOD!! It was definitely a workout, though... even w/out the lunges!! :o) No Aqua today, will walk later.
Still doing great! Thanks for checking up on me!! :o)
This week's activity is identical to what was listed above...something DAILY... took my 2nd BASIC TRAINING class on Thursday ... it was rough, but awesome! No walking lunges this week, so I didn't feel it as much in my legs afterwards, THANK GOD!! It was definitely a workout, though... even w/out the lunges!! :o) No Aqua today, will walk later.
Still doing great! Thanks for checking up on me!! :o)
Saturday, September 24, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 2 WEEKS OP
No WI this week.
I wrote a long journey UPDATE to my Mom... thought I would use it to cheat on an update for you! :o)
Weeks OP: 2 (137)
Weight: --
Loss/Gain: --
TOTAL Loss: --
Pounds to Goal: 53
I wrote a long journey UPDATE to my Mom... thought I would use it to cheat on an update for you! :o)
Weeks OP: 2 (137)
Weight: --
Loss/Gain: --
TOTAL Loss: --
Pounds to Goal: 53
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
AN UPDATE LETTER TO MY MOM...
Thought I'd just take the easy way out & just post a letter that I wrote to my Mom... updating her on what was happening w/ me & WW.
I rejoined WW a week ago on Saturday... decided that I needed a RESTART... even though I never quit...I've just not been able to be consistent forever... it had been a year since I had been @ my lowest weight & I just wasn't getting anywhere... so I thought it might be helpful to start back @ ZERO so that I could see the progress (or not) easier through the smaller numbers, rather than floating around between 75-90 lbs lost... it's just not as noticeable, number-wise. Make sense? I wasn't sure I wanted that... I mean I AM proud of how far I've come & felt like maybe I would lose some of that by starting over, but it definitely felt like it was something I needed to do. Well... it was the perfect decision. I've looked @ where I've been slacking & where I need to be more consistent & have been working hard to make those positive & mindful choices like I used to. Weird... it felt so natural way back when... so easy... it feels like work now, but the more I work at it, the more it seems to smooth out & I can feel that momentum building again. Feels good.
I looked @ my current exercise habits & see that I've gone from walking almost daily for the first year or so I was on WW, to joining a gym last summer & working out there 3-5 days a week, (no longer needing to do anything from home), to just doing Aqua classes 3-4 days a week, to the past 6-8 months where I've "tried" to get to one or two Aqua classes a week (if I was lucky)... doing nothing else besides that. I wasn't getting in enough activity & it wasn't working for me anymore. So, I've decided now that I'm going to be shooting for SOME SORT of activity daily...even if it's just walking for 15 minutes or some active stretching (lunges, squats, crunches, etc). No more excuses... it doesn't have to be 5 classes a week, but it's going to be something... that way I won't look back @ the end of the week again & see only a day or maybe two of activity. It's just something that I can check off at the end of each day... like my water, fruits & veggies, milk, etc...
Anyways... last week I did my Aqua class Monday night, walking Tuesday night, Aqua Wednesday morning, a BASIC TRAINING class @ 5:30am Thursday morning (ugh!), Aqua Friday morning & Aqua on Saturday. Sunday was going to be another BASIC TRAINING class w/ my neighbor's sister, Steph, but we got busy working on the boys room & I didn't want to leave for 2 or 3 hours... so I took a day off. :o)
This BASIC TRAINING class was the first one I had taken... my Aqua instructor teaches it & I thought I would give it a try. It was GREAT... but it just about killed me!! :o) It was everything from basic aerobic moves to stretching, jumping jacks, squats, lunges... to working w/ resistance bands & hand weights. It went quickly & was fun! The thing about me is that if I get my heart rate up too high I will get nauseous... once it got too far when I was weight training @ the club last year & I had to run to the bathroom to throw up!!! LOL! Anyways... I definitely have to pace myself a little better so that won't happen. Tammy said she can put a trashcan in the back w/ me! LOL!! Anyways... my thighs HURT so much the next THREE days!!
I knew that although I had had an awesome week w/ food & activity, the fact that I was still recovering meant that my muscles were still holding on to a bunch of fluid (lactic acid) & that it might affect my weigh-in on Saturday. I even told the receptionist who was weighing me... sure enough, I had a 1.8 lb gain!!! UGH!! Frustrating, sorta... but I obviously knew it was a possibility... so it wasn't THAT big of a deal... it just would've been nice to have the scale reflect the week I'd had!! THIS coming weigh-in will reflect some PMS weight (sorry!), so that could be up several pounds (3-5, usually)... so although I've had another great week, I might just not weigh-in this weekend. Having a few great weeks before weighing in might be nice, actually!! (my NORM... knowing that I wasn't going to weigh-in, I would be bad this week & TRY to make it up next week... but I'm not playing that game anymore)
Anyways... WHEW, LOL... that's what's up w/ me & WW!! :o)
Julie
I rejoined WW a week ago on Saturday... decided that I needed a RESTART... even though I never quit...I've just not been able to be consistent forever... it had been a year since I had been @ my lowest weight & I just wasn't getting anywhere... so I thought it might be helpful to start back @ ZERO so that I could see the progress (or not) easier through the smaller numbers, rather than floating around between 75-90 lbs lost... it's just not as noticeable, number-wise. Make sense? I wasn't sure I wanted that... I mean I AM proud of how far I've come & felt like maybe I would lose some of that by starting over, but it definitely felt like it was something I needed to do. Well... it was the perfect decision. I've looked @ where I've been slacking & where I need to be more consistent & have been working hard to make those positive & mindful choices like I used to. Weird... it felt so natural way back when... so easy... it feels like work now, but the more I work at it, the more it seems to smooth out & I can feel that momentum building again. Feels good.
I looked @ my current exercise habits & see that I've gone from walking almost daily for the first year or so I was on WW, to joining a gym last summer & working out there 3-5 days a week, (no longer needing to do anything from home), to just doing Aqua classes 3-4 days a week, to the past 6-8 months where I've "tried" to get to one or two Aqua classes a week (if I was lucky)... doing nothing else besides that. I wasn't getting in enough activity & it wasn't working for me anymore. So, I've decided now that I'm going to be shooting for SOME SORT of activity daily...even if it's just walking for 15 minutes or some active stretching (lunges, squats, crunches, etc). No more excuses... it doesn't have to be 5 classes a week, but it's going to be something... that way I won't look back @ the end of the week again & see only a day or maybe two of activity. It's just something that I can check off at the end of each day... like my water, fruits & veggies, milk, etc...
Anyways... last week I did my Aqua class Monday night, walking Tuesday night, Aqua Wednesday morning, a BASIC TRAINING class @ 5:30am Thursday morning (ugh!), Aqua Friday morning & Aqua on Saturday. Sunday was going to be another BASIC TRAINING class w/ my neighbor's sister, Steph, but we got busy working on the boys room & I didn't want to leave for 2 or 3 hours... so I took a day off. :o)
This BASIC TRAINING class was the first one I had taken... my Aqua instructor teaches it & I thought I would give it a try. It was GREAT... but it just about killed me!! :o) It was everything from basic aerobic moves to stretching, jumping jacks, squats, lunges... to working w/ resistance bands & hand weights. It went quickly & was fun! The thing about me is that if I get my heart rate up too high I will get nauseous... once it got too far when I was weight training @ the club last year & I had to run to the bathroom to throw up!!! LOL! Anyways... I definitely have to pace myself a little better so that won't happen. Tammy said she can put a trashcan in the back w/ me! LOL!! Anyways... my thighs HURT so much the next THREE days!!
I knew that although I had had an awesome week w/ food & activity, the fact that I was still recovering meant that my muscles were still holding on to a bunch of fluid (lactic acid) & that it might affect my weigh-in on Saturday. I even told the receptionist who was weighing me... sure enough, I had a 1.8 lb gain!!! UGH!! Frustrating, sorta... but I obviously knew it was a possibility... so it wasn't THAT big of a deal... it just would've been nice to have the scale reflect the week I'd had!! THIS coming weigh-in will reflect some PMS weight (sorry!), so that could be up several pounds (3-5, usually)... so although I've had another great week, I might just not weigh-in this weekend. Having a few great weeks before weighing in might be nice, actually!! (my NORM... knowing that I wasn't going to weigh-in, I would be bad this week & TRY to make it up next week... but I'm not playing that game anymore)
Anyways... WHEW, LOL... that's what's up w/ me & WW!! :o)
Julie
Saturday, September 17, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 1 WEEKS OP
There's a perfectly good explaination!! :o)
"& I worked my butt off for this???"
I actually had a FABULOUS week!
Weeks OP: 1 (136)
Weight: 203
Loss/Gain: +1.8
TOTAL Loss: -1.8 (72)
Pounds to Goal: 53
"& I worked my butt off for this???"
I actually had a FABULOUS week!
Weeks OP: 1 (136)
Weight: 203
Loss/Gain: +1.8
TOTAL Loss: -1.8 (72)
Pounds to Goal: 53
& I WORKED MY BUTT OFF FOR THIS???
Starting Fresh last Saturday seems to have done the trick! I had a GREAT week OP... stayed w/in my points ... ate mostly healthy foods... exercised daily...earning 23 APs so far (including taking a new class @ 5:30am on Thursday morning... BASIC TRAINING... SEE DESCRIPTION BELOW... that basically KILLED me!!! LOL! Leaving me w/ legs so sore that I still can't go up & down stairs w/out screeching outloud! LOL!!)
& what did the scale say for all of this effort???
UP 1.8 lbs!!! UGH!
I know... before I stepped on the scale I told the receptionist that I had worked out hard on Thursday & was still feeling it BIG TIME & knew that my thighs were still full of lactic acid & even thought I had a fabulous week, I wasn't sure what the scale would do... now I know!! :o)
No, I'm okay... I know that it's just temporary & I know that all of this exercise is GREAT for me... the Basic Training class I took on Thursday is exactly what I need to be doing right now... what I should've been doing all along & I'm just needing to get my muscles back to the place that they were last fall before I stopped weight training & then I'll be fine. Mucsles burn fat continuously... THAT is the benefit I'm looking for... not the immediate feedback from the scale.
Would it have been nice?? OF COURSE it would have... but I know enough to not expect it. I know I'm doing the right thing... I'm just SO ready for that scale to start moving downward!!!
So... squats, lunges & other active stretching DAILY... that's what I need to be doing & that's what will keep me from feeling like THIS two days after a workout!! :o)
Onward from here :o)
Julie
BASIC TRAINING... described as:
This is a simple, easy-to-follow, yet demanding class that not only tones every major body part, but will also get your heart rate going! Equipment options for this class may include: the step, hand-held weights and/or tubing, bands or bars used with controlled and slow movements to tone and strengthen. As the members will attest, one try and you’re hooked!
& what did the scale say for all of this effort???
UP 1.8 lbs!!! UGH!
I know... before I stepped on the scale I told the receptionist that I had worked out hard on Thursday & was still feeling it BIG TIME & knew that my thighs were still full of lactic acid & even thought I had a fabulous week, I wasn't sure what the scale would do... now I know!! :o)
No, I'm okay... I know that it's just temporary & I know that all of this exercise is GREAT for me... the Basic Training class I took on Thursday is exactly what I need to be doing right now... what I should've been doing all along & I'm just needing to get my muscles back to the place that they were last fall before I stopped weight training & then I'll be fine. Mucsles burn fat continuously... THAT is the benefit I'm looking for... not the immediate feedback from the scale.
Would it have been nice?? OF COURSE it would have... but I know enough to not expect it. I know I'm doing the right thing... I'm just SO ready for that scale to start moving downward!!!
So... squats, lunges & other active stretching DAILY... that's what I need to be doing & that's what will keep me from feeling like THIS two days after a workout!! :o)
Onward from here :o)
Julie
BASIC TRAINING... described as:
This is a simple, easy-to-follow, yet demanding class that not only tones every major body part, but will also get your heart rate going! Equipment options for this class may include: the step, hand-held weights and/or tubing, bands or bars used with controlled and slow movements to tone and strengthen. As the members will attest, one try and you’re hooked!
Saturday, September 10, 2005
WEIGH-IN: -- WEEKS OP - STARTING FRESH
Starting fresh...
Weeks OP: -- (135)
Weight: 201.2
Loss/Gain: -- (-1.4)
TOTAL Loss: -- (73.8)
Pounds to Goal: 51.2 (reset goal to 150)
Weeks OP: -- (135)
Weight: 201.2
Loss/Gain: -- (-1.4)
TOTAL Loss: -- (73.8)
Pounds to Goal: 51.2 (reset goal to 150)
STARTING FRESH ...
Hey guys...
I went ahead & restarted WW today... signed up again (free registration!!), started w/ a new WI book, bought 10 pre-pays, stayed for the orientation meeting, etc... A FRESH START... felt good! My leader even re-introduced me!! LOL! A little weird, I'm certainly not discounting all of the work that I've already accomplished... but after a year of not moving forward, it was time to start again @ ground zero, you know?
So... although I lost a 1.4 lbs this week, LOL, I am starting back @ zero lost. (gotta figure out how I'm going to do that on my weight chart still)
Old Stats... 275 / 201.2 / 145
NEW STATS - 201.2 / 201.2 / 145
Thanks for the encouragement, guys... it feels like the right thing to do.
Julie
I went ahead & restarted WW today... signed up again (free registration!!), started w/ a new WI book, bought 10 pre-pays, stayed for the orientation meeting, etc... A FRESH START... felt good! My leader even re-introduced me!! LOL! A little weird, I'm certainly not discounting all of the work that I've already accomplished... but after a year of not moving forward, it was time to start again @ ground zero, you know?
So... although I lost a 1.4 lbs this week, LOL, I am starting back @ zero lost. (gotta figure out how I'm going to do that on my weight chart still)
Old Stats... 275 / 201.2 / 145
NEW STATS - 201.2 / 201.2 / 145
Thanks for the encouragement, guys... it feels like the right thing to do.
Julie
Tuesday, September 6, 2005
A YEAR OF DOIN' THE DANCE...a Julie Ramble
It was a year ago Sunday (9/4) that I hit my low weight of 185.6 ... almost 90 lbs gone... then I started to do that little dance w/ the scale. Don't know exactly what it was... I had been dealing w/ extremely slow weight loss for quite a while before that... working my butt off w/ a personal trainer, weight training, taking water aerobics classes several days a week, etc. (you can see my WEIGHT CHART w/ weekly notes)
When CORE came out, I decided to give it a try... LOVED IT!! I lost 4 lbs that first week... gained the 2nd week & then started "doin' the dance" w/ the scale. (gave up on CORE... although I generally try to eat CORE foods as much as possible... I HAVE to journal & track the basics)
I also got super busy w/ work (freelance work, had been sporadic up till then... lots of ME time, not anymore!)
I "thought" I was doing a pretty good job maintaining... one pound up, one pound down, four pounds up, one pound down, etc... until I took a minute to REALLY look at the numbers & realized I was up 15 or so pounds!! (a little OBVIOUS when you go back over the 200 lb mark!)
I continue to work @ it... I still go to my meetings & have really great weeks in between some not so great ones. Actually, if I give myself a break & think about it... those not so great weeks usually aren’t THAT bad... mainly not journaling & being maybe 60-70% OP, I suppose... but not good enough to get me anywhere. Still trying to figure it all out & know that I will... this isn't something I'm giving up on... this is ME, right?? I realize that this isn’t a “success only” journey... that there are going to be times when this isn’t going to be easy... it’s WORK & sometimes it may SUCK ... but it’s my reality... my LIFE!
I've been trying to get my head back to where it was when I first went OP in January 2003... when I realized that I had to WORK at it... that it's not just going to happen on its own... so I'm JOURNALING (most of the time... needs to be ALL of the time), thinking POSITIVE & trying to move more (although I need to TRY harder!!). Gotta MAKE it happen... get that momentum going again... I just need to be more consistent, obviously.
Now that I've hit that full year mark, it's time to start REALLY moving forward. I don't know if I need to reset my stats to start where I am right now... I'm pretty darned proud of the weight I've lost up to now, Lord knows I could’ve gained it all back (& then some) w/in this year... but maybe resetting those starting numbers are the psychological restart that I need. I don't know... do you?? :o)
Julie
Read my NEXT ENTRY to see how I've started over...
When CORE came out, I decided to give it a try... LOVED IT!! I lost 4 lbs that first week... gained the 2nd week & then started "doin' the dance" w/ the scale. (gave up on CORE... although I generally try to eat CORE foods as much as possible... I HAVE to journal & track the basics)
I also got super busy w/ work (freelance work, had been sporadic up till then... lots of ME time, not anymore!)
I "thought" I was doing a pretty good job maintaining... one pound up, one pound down, four pounds up, one pound down, etc... until I took a minute to REALLY look at the numbers & realized I was up 15 or so pounds!! (a little OBVIOUS when you go back over the 200 lb mark!)
I continue to work @ it... I still go to my meetings & have really great weeks in between some not so great ones. Actually, if I give myself a break & think about it... those not so great weeks usually aren’t THAT bad... mainly not journaling & being maybe 60-70% OP, I suppose... but not good enough to get me anywhere. Still trying to figure it all out & know that I will... this isn't something I'm giving up on... this is ME, right?? I realize that this isn’t a “success only” journey... that there are going to be times when this isn’t going to be easy... it’s WORK & sometimes it may SUCK ... but it’s my reality... my LIFE!
I've been trying to get my head back to where it was when I first went OP in January 2003... when I realized that I had to WORK at it... that it's not just going to happen on its own... so I'm JOURNALING (most of the time... needs to be ALL of the time), thinking POSITIVE & trying to move more (although I need to TRY harder!!). Gotta MAKE it happen... get that momentum going again... I just need to be more consistent, obviously.
Now that I've hit that full year mark, it's time to start REALLY moving forward. I don't know if I need to reset my stats to start where I am right now... I'm pretty darned proud of the weight I've lost up to now, Lord knows I could’ve gained it all back (& then some) w/in this year... but maybe resetting those starting numbers are the psychological restart that I need. I don't know... do you?? :o)
Julie
Read my NEXT ENTRY to see how I've started over...
Monday, August 1, 2005
ARTICLE...MINDFUL EATING may help with weight loss
MINDFUL EATING may help with weight loss
by Judy Foreman
Published in the Minneapolis Star Tribune, Thursday, July 21, 2005
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CONCORD, MASS. - So there we sat, 28 of us, munching ever so slowly on (and paying exquisite attention to) the surprisingly complex tastes and textures of gorp, that mixture of dried fruit and nuts so popular with hikers.
"Notice whether you're already salivating," prompted the workshop instructor, Jean Fain, a psychotherapist and teaching associate at Harvard Medical School, as we held dried cranberries, cashews or almonds in our fingers. "Slowly, very slowly, begin to notice the taste, the texture. Allow yourself to feel pleasure as you chew." I do, and am struck by the difference between this tranquil, Buddhist moment - I entire focus on one little cranberry - and the way, half an hour earlier, I had wolfed down a calzone in my car, barely tasting it. The first cranberry gave me a burst of sweetness, the second, a small blast of tanginess. The cashew, unsalted, was boring. Who knew?
The point of this workshop, Fain said, was to apply some of the techniques of mindfulness meditation, from quieting the mind by focusing on the breath, to the process of eating and, ultimately, weight control.
The approach is so unusual, and potentially such a useful weapon in the war on obesity, that the National Institutes of Health is spending $1.8 million over four years on studies at three universities.
Dr. David Heber, director of the UCLA Center for Human Nutrition, supports the idea, particularly for people for whom certain foods are triggers for overeating. Meditation, he said, also should be "linked to a nutritional plan and an exercise plan." The program is philosophically similar to the breezy book, "French Women Don't Get Fat" by Mireille Guiliano, who advocates focusing on quality, not quantity, in food. It does not involve willpower, dieting, counting calories or eschewing certain foods while chewing endlessly on others.
It does involve a very brief meditation to get "centered" before eating and eating with full attention -- both "getting pleasure from food and noticing when you've had enough," said the originator of the program, psychologist Jean Kristeller of Indiana State University, who has studied meditation for decades.
Among other things, mindful eating means not gorging absent-mindedly while doing something else, such as watching TV or chattering away, and learning to tell when you feel full enough Or that you've reached "taste-specific satiety," This is the phenomenon by which, after four or five bites, taste buds lose their sensitivity to the chemicals in food that make it taste good. It is taste specific satiety that explains why the first bites of chocolate taste better than later ones and why, when you cannot manage another bite of steak, you have plenty of enthusiasm for ice cream. Once you recognize that you're losing the pleasure of a certain taste, it's easier to stop eating it "Our culture is so externalized that we don't even realize what our body signals are, said clinical psychologist Ruth Quillian-Wolever from the Duke Center for Integrative Medicine. “When you teach people to be quiet enough to see what's going on inside, they can get an incredible amount of satisfaction from a small piece of chocolate.” To be sure, the published evidence in favor of mindful eating is slim.
Kristeller did a pilot study a few years ago of 18 obese women who binged (loosely defined as feeling out of control about eating and ingesting a huge amount of food in one session). Her team found that with meditation and coaching on skills such as distinguishing real hunger from eating triggered by anger or boredom, bingeing dropped from an average of four times a week to 1.5. Participants also reported being less preoccupied with food.
Armed with a first grant of $250,000 from the government, Kristeller and Quillian-Wolever studied another 85 male and female obese bingers. They were randomly assigned to the mindful eating program, no intervention, or a control group, which got the same amount of attention from teachers as the mindful group and used material from Duke's diet and fitness center, but got no meditation training.
The data are still unpublished, but encouraging. Although neither the mindful eating nor the control group, on average, lost weight, both groups reduced bingeing substantially, compared with the non-intervention group. On standardized psychological tests, the mindful eaters also reported feeling more in control around food. Just as important, the mindfulness program, even in people who lost no weight, was linked to lower fasting blood sugar levels and less insulin resistance, problems that often lead to diabetes.
"So we know it works to change eating patterns," said Quillian-Wolever. The next step is to figure out how to translate this into weight 1oss.
This summer, Kristeller, Quillian-Wolever and Dr. Michael Baime, director of the Penn Stress Management Program at the University of Pennsylvania, will begin to enroll about 225 obese people, some of them bingers, to see whether mindful eating plus coaching on portion control and other weight loss tactics can result in lasting weight loss. Baime also plans to use brain scans see what, if anything, is changing in the brains of people in the meditation group.
People can't sustain diets "if it's just willpower," Baime said. "Meditation does not require willpower at all. It requires awareness. If you actually listen to your body better, you'll know whether you're really hungry or not,"
Judy Foreman's column appears every other week. Past columns are available on www.myhealthsense.com.
by Judy Foreman
Published in the Minneapolis Star Tribune, Thursday, July 21, 2005
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CONCORD, MASS. - So there we sat, 28 of us, munching ever so slowly on (and paying exquisite attention to) the surprisingly complex tastes and textures of gorp, that mixture of dried fruit and nuts so popular with hikers.
"Notice whether you're already salivating," prompted the workshop instructor, Jean Fain, a psychotherapist and teaching associate at Harvard Medical School, as we held dried cranberries, cashews or almonds in our fingers. "Slowly, very slowly, begin to notice the taste, the texture. Allow yourself to feel pleasure as you chew." I do, and am struck by the difference between this tranquil, Buddhist moment - I entire focus on one little cranberry - and the way, half an hour earlier, I had wolfed down a calzone in my car, barely tasting it. The first cranberry gave me a burst of sweetness, the second, a small blast of tanginess. The cashew, unsalted, was boring. Who knew?
The point of this workshop, Fain said, was to apply some of the techniques of mindfulness meditation, from quieting the mind by focusing on the breath, to the process of eating and, ultimately, weight control.
The approach is so unusual, and potentially such a useful weapon in the war on obesity, that the National Institutes of Health is spending $1.8 million over four years on studies at three universities.
Dr. David Heber, director of the UCLA Center for Human Nutrition, supports the idea, particularly for people for whom certain foods are triggers for overeating. Meditation, he said, also should be "linked to a nutritional plan and an exercise plan." The program is philosophically similar to the breezy book, "French Women Don't Get Fat" by Mireille Guiliano, who advocates focusing on quality, not quantity, in food. It does not involve willpower, dieting, counting calories or eschewing certain foods while chewing endlessly on others.
It does involve a very brief meditation to get "centered" before eating and eating with full attention -- both "getting pleasure from food and noticing when you've had enough," said the originator of the program, psychologist Jean Kristeller of Indiana State University, who has studied meditation for decades.
Among other things, mindful eating means not gorging absent-mindedly while doing something else, such as watching TV or chattering away, and learning to tell when you feel full enough Or that you've reached "taste-specific satiety," This is the phenomenon by which, after four or five bites, taste buds lose their sensitivity to the chemicals in food that make it taste good. It is taste specific satiety that explains why the first bites of chocolate taste better than later ones and why, when you cannot manage another bite of steak, you have plenty of enthusiasm for ice cream. Once you recognize that you're losing the pleasure of a certain taste, it's easier to stop eating it "Our culture is so externalized that we don't even realize what our body signals are, said clinical psychologist Ruth Quillian-Wolever from the Duke Center for Integrative Medicine. “When you teach people to be quiet enough to see what's going on inside, they can get an incredible amount of satisfaction from a small piece of chocolate.” To be sure, the published evidence in favor of mindful eating is slim.
Kristeller did a pilot study a few years ago of 18 obese women who binged (loosely defined as feeling out of control about eating and ingesting a huge amount of food in one session). Her team found that with meditation and coaching on skills such as distinguishing real hunger from eating triggered by anger or boredom, bingeing dropped from an average of four times a week to 1.5. Participants also reported being less preoccupied with food.
Armed with a first grant of $250,000 from the government, Kristeller and Quillian-Wolever studied another 85 male and female obese bingers. They were randomly assigned to the mindful eating program, no intervention, or a control group, which got the same amount of attention from teachers as the mindful group and used material from Duke's diet and fitness center, but got no meditation training.
The data are still unpublished, but encouraging. Although neither the mindful eating nor the control group, on average, lost weight, both groups reduced bingeing substantially, compared with the non-intervention group. On standardized psychological tests, the mindful eaters also reported feeling more in control around food. Just as important, the mindfulness program, even in people who lost no weight, was linked to lower fasting blood sugar levels and less insulin resistance, problems that often lead to diabetes.
"So we know it works to change eating patterns," said Quillian-Wolever. The next step is to figure out how to translate this into weight 1oss.
This summer, Kristeller, Quillian-Wolever and Dr. Michael Baime, director of the Penn Stress Management Program at the University of Pennsylvania, will begin to enroll about 225 obese people, some of them bingers, to see whether mindful eating plus coaching on portion control and other weight loss tactics can result in lasting weight loss. Baime also plans to use brain scans see what, if anything, is changing in the brains of people in the meditation group.
People can't sustain diets "if it's just willpower," Baime said. "Meditation does not require willpower at all. It requires awareness. If you actually listen to your body better, you'll know whether you're really hungry or not,"
Judy Foreman's column appears every other week. Past columns are available on www.myhealthsense.com.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 129 WEEKS OP
Okay... I shouldn't even say it... but I'm feeling good about how this week went! Positive Thinking, JOURNALING, Mindfulness in my decisions, etc... everything I know that works for me & WOW, a loss!! :o)
Weeks OP: 129
Weight: 202.2
Loss/Gain: -1.6
TOTAL Loss: 72.8
Pounds to Goal: 57.2
Weeks OP: 129
Weight: 202.2
Loss/Gain: -1.6
TOTAL Loss: 72.8
Pounds to Goal: 57.2
Monday, July 18, 2005
NSVs - NON SCALE VICTORIES...
You know, I haven't mentioned (or maybe didn't even make note to myself) any personal NSVs in a long LONG time... maybe a little tough on myself for not being as OP as I should be these days, but I thought I would tell you guys about several NSVs I've had recently... making me realize that I AM in a good place & that I SHOULD be proud of how far I've come, even if I'm not so proud of where I'm NOT going right now.
The last time I flew I was probably @ my heaviest, so I barely could squeeze myself between the armrests, the seatbelt was as snug as could be (next step would've been an extender) & the pull-down tray never came completely down.
When Brad & I flew out to Seattle last month, I was so excited to see how much room the seats actually had!! LOL!!
I put my seatbelt on & actuallly had a good 12" tail left on my seatbelt!! I had to point that out to Brad & almost got a little bit choked up myself!!! :o)
One thing that I didn't know was that when you took your tray down, they actually extended towards you!! So, not only was I able to get it all the way down w/out it needing to sit on my belly, but I was able to bring it towards me a few inches! That was really exciting! Brad kind of laughed to himself as I pointed this one out!
Also... it has been about 3 years since I've been to an amusement park. We went to our local one on Wednesday... I was able to ride every single ride, no problem!! I LOVE rollercoasters... it had been a LONG time since I had been on one... I was so excited!! I also wore SHORTS, which I just don't do (never have liked my legs!) & felt completely comfortable in them!
At the end of the day... a LONG 12 hour day... I took note that my legs & feet felt perfectly fine... a long day like that would've normally left me achy & wanting to go home for a nice soak.... I could've kept going, if the park hadn't closed!! :o)
These are exciting... I need to continue to keep my eyes open to things like these... hope you are, too!
Julie
The last time I flew I was probably @ my heaviest, so I barely could squeeze myself between the armrests, the seatbelt was as snug as could be (next step would've been an extender) & the pull-down tray never came completely down.
When Brad & I flew out to Seattle last month, I was so excited to see how much room the seats actually had!! LOL!!
I put my seatbelt on & actuallly had a good 12" tail left on my seatbelt!! I had to point that out to Brad & almost got a little bit choked up myself!!! :o)
One thing that I didn't know was that when you took your tray down, they actually extended towards you!! So, not only was I able to get it all the way down w/out it needing to sit on my belly, but I was able to bring it towards me a few inches! That was really exciting! Brad kind of laughed to himself as I pointed this one out!
Also... it has been about 3 years since I've been to an amusement park. We went to our local one on Wednesday... I was able to ride every single ride, no problem!! I LOVE rollercoasters... it had been a LONG time since I had been on one... I was so excited!! I also wore SHORTS, which I just don't do (never have liked my legs!) & felt completely comfortable in them!
At the end of the day... a LONG 12 hour day... I took note that my legs & feet felt perfectly fine... a long day like that would've normally left me achy & wanting to go home for a nice soak.... I could've kept going, if the park hadn't closed!! :o)
These are exciting... I need to continue to keep my eyes open to things like these... hope you are, too!
Julie
Saturday, July 16, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 128 WEEKS OP
I've been thinking...
Weeks OP: 128
Weight: 203.8
Loss/Gain: +0.6
TOTAL Loss: 71.2
Pounds to Goal: 58.8
Weeks OP: 128
Weight: 203.8
Loss/Gain: +0.6
TOTAL Loss: 71.2
Pounds to Goal: 58.8
YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN DOING THIS LITTLE DANCE...
w/ the scale for the last 9 months or so, right??
Well...after several tough weeks (after that major binge), I weighed in this morning w/ just a .6 lb gain (6/10ths)... I was thrilled! I told the weigher that I totally was expecting to see a 5 or 6 lb gain! I realized afterwards that even though I FELT like I had some rough times, I wasn't being as bad as I thought I was. I think that I feel like I'm not doing well when I'm not giving it 100%... when I'm not journaling or getting enough exercise... but now I can see that I AM continuing to make the majority of my choices good ones... maybe not 100 or even 95%, but maybe more like 80%... that has to be good enough sometimes, doesn't it??
In my meeting last week, my leader said something that kind of hit home to me. She said that some of us get stuck when we get to the point in our journey that we become comfortable... when others start mentioning how great you're looking, etc... the "critical" weight loss stage is over & it becomes easier to start slacking a little bit. That's me, completely. I got comfortable. I started feeling confident... liking the new curves that were emerging, feeling feminine & sexy, etc... then I just stopped trying so hard... & where has that gotten me?? Not anywhere positive, that's for sure!!
I've been trying to get my head back to where it was when I was in that "critical" weight loss stage... when I desperately wanted to lose weight, change my life, change my body... but does that mean that I have to begin to feel uncomfortable in my body again? I’m certainly NOT satisfied w/ where I am now... I have no desire to stay @ this weight, in this shape... but I’m convinced that being satisfied & proud of how far I’ve come (rather than being distressed over the last 9 months of nothing) is keeping me from finding that fire that’ll help me move forward again. Does that make any sense?? I feel like I’m not coming up w/ the right words here...
Anyways... knowing that positive momentum comes when positive things are happening & positive things happen when I’M MAKING THEM HAPPEN... I’m trying to get my head into that positive place... doing what I know I need to do to get things moving again... Journaling, Water, Exercise, etc... knowing that when I’m feeling proud of myself I continue to do the right things to keep that momentum going. I had a good week... actually a GREAT week... kept my PDA by my side, journaling everything in my WW-on-the-Go program (love it!)... getting in those basic foods that I know are key & moving my body a bit... I expected today's loss... of course, always wishing that a good week can erase the previous few bad ones, but knowing that it doesn’t work that way, LOL... it’ll take time, I know that, but lower numbers on that scale were a welcome sight, that’s for sure.
But how do I keep it going?? That’s what I need to figure out...
Wish me luck! :o)
Julie
Well...after several tough weeks (after that major binge), I weighed in this morning w/ just a .6 lb gain (6/10ths)... I was thrilled! I told the weigher that I totally was expecting to see a 5 or 6 lb gain! I realized afterwards that even though I FELT like I had some rough times, I wasn't being as bad as I thought I was. I think that I feel like I'm not doing well when I'm not giving it 100%... when I'm not journaling or getting enough exercise... but now I can see that I AM continuing to make the majority of my choices good ones... maybe not 100 or even 95%, but maybe more like 80%... that has to be good enough sometimes, doesn't it??
In my meeting last week, my leader said something that kind of hit home to me. She said that some of us get stuck when we get to the point in our journey that we become comfortable... when others start mentioning how great you're looking, etc... the "critical" weight loss stage is over & it becomes easier to start slacking a little bit. That's me, completely. I got comfortable. I started feeling confident... liking the new curves that were emerging, feeling feminine & sexy, etc... then I just stopped trying so hard... & where has that gotten me?? Not anywhere positive, that's for sure!!
I've been trying to get my head back to where it was when I was in that "critical" weight loss stage... when I desperately wanted to lose weight, change my life, change my body... but does that mean that I have to begin to feel uncomfortable in my body again? I’m certainly NOT satisfied w/ where I am now... I have no desire to stay @ this weight, in this shape... but I’m convinced that being satisfied & proud of how far I’ve come (rather than being distressed over the last 9 months of nothing) is keeping me from finding that fire that’ll help me move forward again. Does that make any sense?? I feel like I’m not coming up w/ the right words here...
Anyways... knowing that positive momentum comes when positive things are happening & positive things happen when I’M MAKING THEM HAPPEN... I’m trying to get my head into that positive place... doing what I know I need to do to get things moving again... Journaling, Water, Exercise, etc... knowing that when I’m feeling proud of myself I continue to do the right things to keep that momentum going. I had a good week... actually a GREAT week... kept my PDA by my side, journaling everything in my WW-on-the-Go program (love it!)... getting in those basic foods that I know are key & moving my body a bit... I expected today's loss... of course, always wishing that a good week can erase the previous few bad ones, but knowing that it doesn’t work that way, LOL... it’ll take time, I know that, but lower numbers on that scale were a welcome sight, that’s for sure.
But how do I keep it going?? That’s what I need to figure out...
Wish me luck! :o)
Julie
Monday, July 4, 2005
H A P P Y . I N D E P E N D E N C E . D A Y ! ! !
Seems like a good day for a CONFESSION!!
I'm going to fess up to something that lately I would've kept to myself...
Okay... you know all about this stupid "dance" I've been doing w/ the scale the past 9 months or so... good weeks followed by not so good weeks. Up till a few months ago I was feeling like I was doing a fairly good job @ early maintenance... one pound up, two pounds down, four pounds up, one pound down & so on... till I really started thinking about it & realized that I was actually up a good 15 lbs!! Yeah, I know, it could be worse & I AM proud of myself for not completely letting go... I know the direction that I WANT to be heading & I know that I'll never go back to where I started... but I need to get myself back to moving in a positive direction again. I know what I need to do... I know what works... JOURNALING, positive thought, activity, etc... I just need to do it... CONSISTENTLY!!! Anyways... that’s where I am in my journey at the moment.
Now for my confession...
After a FABULOUS 8 day trip to Seattle w/ my DH (no kids!!) eating wonderful fresh food, I was home for one day w/ my kiddos, then they all took off to South Dakota for a long fishing weekend w/ the guys.... leaving me home alone, which was fine, but I found myself falling back into a "eating whatever I want because nobody is around" mode on Saturday. (“closet eating”... kinda like eating in your car & hiding the trash... you know what I mean) MAJOR BINGE... cookies, cookie dough, caramel corn, pizza, sorbet, etc... I’ve never been a binger & certainly have never done it to this extent in my entire life, although I WAS a “closet eater” as mentioned above.
I DID end up journaling it all @ the end of the night... 101 points... just (barely) under 4000 calories!!!! UGH. I had even weighed in THAT morning... up to 203, not a surprise after a week of good food (not ALL healthy food), a can of tomato juice w/ over 1000 grams of sodium the night before & a little PMS (sorry) ...but I even said out loud to my leader as I was leaving "I'm going to be back under 200 w/in 2 weeks!!" then I headed straight to the grocery store where I picked up all that crap... not even 15 minutes later! (w/ the intention of buying a good cut of meat & some milk!)
Anyways... I’m fine... maybe a little TOO fine, cuz I know how to pick myself back up & move forward, just as I’ve been doing for the last 9+ months. Getting nowhere fast. I’ve got my “safeguards” in place... #1 being JEANS... they’re getting TIGHT & I’m NOT going to go up in size (AGAIN... *see NOTE below), so I have no choice but to get it together, right??
Okay... gimme a little feedback guys. I feel like I know what to do... but a little advice, support w/ a bit of butt kicking always helps!! :o)
Thanks!
Julie...the rambler. :o)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*NOTE... one of my "safeguards" is to get rid of my larger clothes so I don't have a chance to "shop my closet" if things start getting tight. I had gotten rid of everything except several nice pairs of size 18 jeans, which I gave to my girlfriend's mother. Well... sometime in the spring I got them back... didn't want them, shouldn't have held onto them, but I did. BAD MOVE. After all of this dancing I've been doing w/ the scale, finding myself UP 15+ lbs, my size 16 jeans are pretty snug... okay, REALLY sung, LOL... and they looked awful on me... so I "shopped" in that bag of jeans. At first they were all loose, but now they're TIGHT!! Not good. I know better now... they're gone as soon as I'm back in my size 16s!
I'm going to fess up to something that lately I would've kept to myself...
Okay... you know all about this stupid "dance" I've been doing w/ the scale the past 9 months or so... good weeks followed by not so good weeks. Up till a few months ago I was feeling like I was doing a fairly good job @ early maintenance... one pound up, two pounds down, four pounds up, one pound down & so on... till I really started thinking about it & realized that I was actually up a good 15 lbs!! Yeah, I know, it could be worse & I AM proud of myself for not completely letting go... I know the direction that I WANT to be heading & I know that I'll never go back to where I started... but I need to get myself back to moving in a positive direction again. I know what I need to do... I know what works... JOURNALING, positive thought, activity, etc... I just need to do it... CONSISTENTLY!!! Anyways... that’s where I am in my journey at the moment.
Now for my confession...
After a FABULOUS 8 day trip to Seattle w/ my DH (no kids!!) eating wonderful fresh food, I was home for one day w/ my kiddos, then they all took off to South Dakota for a long fishing weekend w/ the guys.... leaving me home alone, which was fine, but I found myself falling back into a "eating whatever I want because nobody is around" mode on Saturday. (“closet eating”... kinda like eating in your car & hiding the trash... you know what I mean) MAJOR BINGE... cookies, cookie dough, caramel corn, pizza, sorbet, etc... I’ve never been a binger & certainly have never done it to this extent in my entire life, although I WAS a “closet eater” as mentioned above.
I DID end up journaling it all @ the end of the night... 101 points... just (barely) under 4000 calories!!!! UGH. I had even weighed in THAT morning... up to 203, not a surprise after a week of good food (not ALL healthy food), a can of tomato juice w/ over 1000 grams of sodium the night before & a little PMS (sorry) ...but I even said out loud to my leader as I was leaving "I'm going to be back under 200 w/in 2 weeks!!" then I headed straight to the grocery store where I picked up all that crap... not even 15 minutes later! (w/ the intention of buying a good cut of meat & some milk!)
Anyways... I’m fine... maybe a little TOO fine, cuz I know how to pick myself back up & move forward, just as I’ve been doing for the last 9+ months. Getting nowhere fast. I’ve got my “safeguards” in place... #1 being JEANS... they’re getting TIGHT & I’m NOT going to go up in size (AGAIN... *see NOTE below), so I have no choice but to get it together, right??
Okay... gimme a little feedback guys. I feel like I know what to do... but a little advice, support w/ a bit of butt kicking always helps!! :o)
Thanks!
Julie...the rambler. :o)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*NOTE... one of my "safeguards" is to get rid of my larger clothes so I don't have a chance to "shop my closet" if things start getting tight. I had gotten rid of everything except several nice pairs of size 18 jeans, which I gave to my girlfriend's mother. Well... sometime in the spring I got them back... didn't want them, shouldn't have held onto them, but I did. BAD MOVE. After all of this dancing I've been doing w/ the scale, finding myself UP 15+ lbs, my size 16 jeans are pretty snug... okay, REALLY sung, LOL... and they looked awful on me... so I "shopped" in that bag of jeans. At first they were all loose, but now they're TIGHT!! Not good. I know better now... they're gone as soon as I'm back in my size 16s!
Saturday, July 2, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 126 WEEKS OP
This was after 8 wonderful days in Seattle w/ Brad... lots of wonderful, fresh foods... fish, nice cuts of beef, veggies... maybe just a few too many desserts!
So...I walked out of this meeting 3.3 lbs above 199... told my leader & the receptionists that I was giving myself two weeks to get back under 200... that I was tired of playing games... check out my journal entry to see what happened next. UGH!
Weeks OP: 126
Weight: 203.2
Loss/Gain: +2.4
TOTAL Loss: 71.8
Pounds to Goal: 58.2
So...I walked out of this meeting 3.3 lbs above 199... told my leader & the receptionists that I was giving myself two weeks to get back under 200... that I was tired of playing games... check out my journal entry to see what happened next. UGH!
Weeks OP: 126
Weight: 203.2
Loss/Gain: +2.4
TOTAL Loss: 71.8
Pounds to Goal: 58.2
Saturday, June 18, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 124 WEEKS OP
Ummmmmmmmm......
Weeks OP: 124
Weight: 200.8
Loss/Gain: -1
TOTAL Loss: 74.2
Pounds to Goal: 55.8
Weeks OP: 124
Weight: 200.8
Loss/Gain: -1
TOTAL Loss: 74.2
Pounds to Goal: 55.8
Saturday, June 4, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 122 WEEKS OP
I'm trying to work myself back to where my head was when I first began this journey... when everything was simple & enjoyable... staying OP was EASY!! Time to go read some of my own journal archives!! :o) Will write about it soon... I'm still in the game!
Weeks OP: 122
Weight: 201.8
Loss/Gain: --
TOTAL Loss: 73.2
Pounds to Goal: 56.8
Weeks OP: 122
Weight: 201.8
Loss/Gain: --
TOTAL Loss: 73.2
Pounds to Goal: 56.8
Saturday, May 21, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 120 WEEKS OP
Still dancing. Trying to work some "headgame" things out... but still hanging in there!
Weeks OP: 120
Weight: 201.8
Loss/Gain: +3.2
TOTAL Loss: 73.2
Pounds to Goal: 56.8
Weeks OP: 120
Weight: 201.8
Loss/Gain: +3.2
TOTAL Loss: 73.2
Pounds to Goal: 56.8
Saturday, April 23, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 116 WEEKS OP
Had a pretty good week after a not so fabulous week... JOURNAL, JOURNAL, JOURNAL!!
Weeks OP: 116
Weight: 198.6
Loss/Gain: -0.2
TOTAL Loss: 76.4
Pounds to Goal: 53.7
Weeks OP: 116
Weight: 198.6
Loss/Gain: -0.2
TOTAL Loss: 76.4
Pounds to Goal: 53.7
Saturday, April 9, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 114 WEEKS OP
One step forward, two steps back! UGH!
Here... let's have a little chat...
Weeks OP: 114
Weight: 198.8
Loss/Gain: +2.8
TOTAL Loss: 76.2
Pounds to Goal: 53.9
Here... let's have a little chat...
Weeks OP: 114
Weight: 198.8
Loss/Gain: +2.8
TOTAL Loss: 76.2
Pounds to Goal: 53.9
Okay... what's been going on w/ me???
I'd like to know that as well!
I hate to go to those weight loss websites that have either been abandoned months or years ago... or that are so miserable to read because the person is dark & depressed... failing miserably.
Well... I don't want have either kind of website. I want to continue to be an inspiration to those who somehow stumble across my site or have just come back to see how I'm doing... so here I am! :o)
Anyways... One POSITIVE thing I can say is that I'm still going on... not necessarily MOVING FORWARD :o) ... but I haven't given up. At this point I know that's never going to happen.
After my last WI where I felt like I was back on track, I had a few really crazy weeks. I let life get in the way... let my safeguards down (regular weigh-ins, journaling EVERYTHING, wearing JEANS frequently, etc...) I knew what I was doing, but I didn't want to take the time to care...
I know better.
I missed 2 weeks of meetings, didn't find the time to exercise & enjoyed way too many sweets & all sorts of crap. By the time all was said & done, it was really obvious that I had gained a bit of weight. Because I was working alot, I wasn't wearing my jeans... just loose skirts & dress pants. When I FINALLY took the time to try my jeans on, they were so tight... there was a good 3 inches of "space" (to put it nicely) between both sides of the snap! (LOL!) THAT was just the REALITY CHECK I needed... good slap upside the head.
I was going to miss 2 more meetings as we were leaving town for Spring Break, but I knew that I was going to get it back together IMMEDIATELY & that it was time to stop playing games. I wasn't winning, that's for sure!!
Anyways... I packed up those jeans, headed to my parents' place in Colorado & spent a full week COMPLETELY committed to a SUGAR FREE lifestyle. Not an easy thing to do in my mother's house! :o) I weighed myself when I got to my parents' house... I LIKE their scale... it HAD to be weighing AT LEAST 5 to 10 lbs light, so I was still under 200 (although I know I really was way above it). By the end of the week I had dropped FIVE lbs!!! I was so proud of myself!! I had my PDA w/ me & journaled EVERYTHING (using WW's On-the-Go PDA journaling program... LOVE IT!) Walked the mall w/ my parents... walked the neighborhood w/ my DH & played w/ the kids. Mid-week I could get the jeans buttoned... by the end of the week they zipped!! Yeah Me!!! :o) It was a great week!
I came home sick & didn't get a whole heck of alot of exercise in for the week, but I still did well OP... journaled EVERYTHING & was VERY happy to come away w/ only a 2.8 lb gain at my meeting this morning. I could tell that I was close to being where I was a month ago... I DEFINITELY gain weight around my waist... I could SEE it a few weeks ago... UGH... I felt MISERABLE... FAT... DEPRESSED... YUCK.
I don't like that feeling. I'm going to remember it. Makes me realize that I will NEVER gain all my weight back ... NEVER. It's too depressing. I'm too "in touch" w/ my body now. I might gain 5 - 10 lbs, but I'll KNOW IT & I'll be quick to do something about it. I'll keep those safeguards in place to keep me completely aware of what my body is doing. (regular weigh-ins, wear jeans, get rid of & NEVER buy a larger size, etc...)
Something that I realized when I was driving to Colorado was that this little "dance" that I've been doing... 2 lb gain, 1 lb loss, 5 lb gain, etc... it hasn't really been a "little" dance at all. I hadn't really thought about it, but I was sitting AT LEAST 15 - 20 above my lowest weight of 185.6 from September of last year... TWENTY POUNDS!! That's ALOT! Feels like it CREPT up on me & yeah, I suppose it did... but I'm not supposed to let weight creep up on me like that... EVER! Not going to happen again... I can tell you that.
Anyways... just thought I should write a little bit to let you guys know what's going on. Life isn't dark & depressing, yeah God, not quite perfect, but I'm still here & feeling good about that little fact. I hope that for you, my little reality check will make you see that NO, this isn't as easy as I thought, but that I am more than willing to work through the process, no matter what twists & turns I take & that I'm NEVER GIVING UP!
There was a lady at my meeting today who got her 5 lb bookmark... she was a "rejoiner", saying that she had joined & given up many times, but that this was the first time she actually made it to 5 lbs. She said that she always got frustrated that the weight wasn't coming off faster & that she was even feeling a bit like that THIS TIME. It took her several weeks to get to the 5 lb mark. I wanted to talk to her after class but she took off quickly. I wanted to ask her to look at all of the times that she gave up because it was going too slow & realize that even if it came off excruciatingly slow... over months or years... that if she had just stuck w/ it she would've been at goal by now.
THAT is my way of thinking. Yeah... sometimes a little too laid back... I know it's keeping me from moving forward like I should be ... but I know that by thinking this way, I won't give up. I'll get there... someday. :o)
Yeah, sooner than later would be nice... but I'll get there.
Okay... that's enough, don't you think??? :o)
Thanks for listening.
Julie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh yeah, BTW... I brought my wedding dress home w/ me from my parents' house... my current goal is to fit into it by the end of the summer. I was around 170 when I was married almost 16 years ago. I need to try it on now, haven't done that... it'll be cool to try it on from time to time to see what progress I've made throughout the summer. Will keep you updated on the progress.
I hate to go to those weight loss websites that have either been abandoned months or years ago... or that are so miserable to read because the person is dark & depressed... failing miserably.
Well... I don't want have either kind of website. I want to continue to be an inspiration to those who somehow stumble across my site or have just come back to see how I'm doing... so here I am! :o)
Anyways... One POSITIVE thing I can say is that I'm still going on... not necessarily MOVING FORWARD :o) ... but I haven't given up. At this point I know that's never going to happen.
After my last WI where I felt like I was back on track, I had a few really crazy weeks. I let life get in the way... let my safeguards down (regular weigh-ins, journaling EVERYTHING, wearing JEANS frequently, etc...) I knew what I was doing, but I didn't want to take the time to care...
I know better.
I missed 2 weeks of meetings, didn't find the time to exercise & enjoyed way too many sweets & all sorts of crap. By the time all was said & done, it was really obvious that I had gained a bit of weight. Because I was working alot, I wasn't wearing my jeans... just loose skirts & dress pants. When I FINALLY took the time to try my jeans on, they were so tight... there was a good 3 inches of "space" (to put it nicely) between both sides of the snap! (LOL!) THAT was just the REALITY CHECK I needed... good slap upside the head.
I was going to miss 2 more meetings as we were leaving town for Spring Break, but I knew that I was going to get it back together IMMEDIATELY & that it was time to stop playing games. I wasn't winning, that's for sure!!
Anyways... I packed up those jeans, headed to my parents' place in Colorado & spent a full week COMPLETELY committed to a SUGAR FREE lifestyle. Not an easy thing to do in my mother's house! :o) I weighed myself when I got to my parents' house... I LIKE their scale... it HAD to be weighing AT LEAST 5 to 10 lbs light, so I was still under 200 (although I know I really was way above it). By the end of the week I had dropped FIVE lbs!!! I was so proud of myself!! I had my PDA w/ me & journaled EVERYTHING (using WW's On-the-Go PDA journaling program... LOVE IT!) Walked the mall w/ my parents... walked the neighborhood w/ my DH & played w/ the kids. Mid-week I could get the jeans buttoned... by the end of the week they zipped!! Yeah Me!!! :o) It was a great week!
I came home sick & didn't get a whole heck of alot of exercise in for the week, but I still did well OP... journaled EVERYTHING & was VERY happy to come away w/ only a 2.8 lb gain at my meeting this morning. I could tell that I was close to being where I was a month ago... I DEFINITELY gain weight around my waist... I could SEE it a few weeks ago... UGH... I felt MISERABLE... FAT... DEPRESSED... YUCK.
I don't like that feeling. I'm going to remember it. Makes me realize that I will NEVER gain all my weight back ... NEVER. It's too depressing. I'm too "in touch" w/ my body now. I might gain 5 - 10 lbs, but I'll KNOW IT & I'll be quick to do something about it. I'll keep those safeguards in place to keep me completely aware of what my body is doing. (regular weigh-ins, wear jeans, get rid of & NEVER buy a larger size, etc...)
Something that I realized when I was driving to Colorado was that this little "dance" that I've been doing... 2 lb gain, 1 lb loss, 5 lb gain, etc... it hasn't really been a "little" dance at all. I hadn't really thought about it, but I was sitting AT LEAST 15 - 20 above my lowest weight of 185.6 from September of last year... TWENTY POUNDS!! That's ALOT! Feels like it CREPT up on me & yeah, I suppose it did... but I'm not supposed to let weight creep up on me like that... EVER! Not going to happen again... I can tell you that.
Anyways... just thought I should write a little bit to let you guys know what's going on. Life isn't dark & depressing, yeah God, not quite perfect, but I'm still here & feeling good about that little fact. I hope that for you, my little reality check will make you see that NO, this isn't as easy as I thought, but that I am more than willing to work through the process, no matter what twists & turns I take & that I'm NEVER GIVING UP!
There was a lady at my meeting today who got her 5 lb bookmark... she was a "rejoiner", saying that she had joined & given up many times, but that this was the first time she actually made it to 5 lbs. She said that she always got frustrated that the weight wasn't coming off faster & that she was even feeling a bit like that THIS TIME. It took her several weeks to get to the 5 lb mark. I wanted to talk to her after class but she took off quickly. I wanted to ask her to look at all of the times that she gave up because it was going too slow & realize that even if it came off excruciatingly slow... over months or years... that if she had just stuck w/ it she would've been at goal by now.
THAT is my way of thinking. Yeah... sometimes a little too laid back... I know it's keeping me from moving forward like I should be ... but I know that by thinking this way, I won't give up. I'll get there... someday. :o)
Yeah, sooner than later would be nice... but I'll get there.
Okay... that's enough, don't you think??? :o)
Thanks for listening.
Julie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh yeah, BTW... I brought my wedding dress home w/ me from my parents' house... my current goal is to fit into it by the end of the summer. I was around 170 when I was married almost 16 years ago. I need to try it on now, haven't done that... it'll be cool to try it on from time to time to see what progress I've made throughout the summer. Will keep you updated on the progress.
Saturday, March 5, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 109 WEEKS OP
Another great week! JOURNAL! JOURNAL! JOURNAL!
Weeks OP: 109
Weight: 196
Loss/Gain: -2.6
TOTAL Loss: 79
Pounds to Goal: 51
Weeks OP: 109
Weight: 196
Loss/Gain: -2.6
TOTAL Loss: 79
Pounds to Goal: 51
Saturday, February 26, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 108 WEEKS OP
Had a great week! Back in ONDERLAND again...whew!!! I think I REALLY needed last week's reality... really. I've spent the week thinking about what I want & how I'm going to get there & I'm ready to get serious again. Starting by journaling EVERYTHING again... it's what works. It'll be nice to move forward again!
Kick my butt if I start this little dance again, will you?? :o)
Weeks OP: 108
Weight: 198.6
Loss/Gain: -3
TOTAL Loss: 76.4
Pounds to Goal: 53.6
Kick my butt if I start this little dance again, will you?? :o)
Weeks OP: 108
Weight: 198.6
Loss/Gain: -3
TOTAL Loss: 76.4
Pounds to Goal: 53.6
Monday, February 21, 2005
I REACHED MY GOAL!!
I'm back in TWOTERVILLE!!! Yeah me! NOT!!
Obviously it wasn't a desired goal of mine, but the fact that I've been going through one of those MINDLESS phases lately (letting life get in the way) I was completely expecting to see 200 on the scale at my Saturday WI & I didn't let myself down!! (of course I wore JEANS & had Chinese the night before, which never helps, but I didn't care)
So... not only am I back in TWOTERVILLE, it was almost exactly a year ago that I SLOWLY worked my way OUT of it... so I’ve completely wiped out this full year! Crazy!!
I'm proud of myself, though. Weird, huh? My normal M.O. (THIS journey... previous M.O. would've been to give up WAY BACK WHEN) is to NOT WI & just see if I could get it back together for the next WI. I NEVER wanted to see 200 on the scale again... & DEFINITELY didn't want it written down in my WI booklet! But Saturday morning I realized that it was time to stop playing that game & that I really needed to face reality, no matter how ugly it was.
When I went to step on the scale, I told the receptionist that I fully expected to be back in the 200s & she confirmed that I indeed was... said that it was time to start fresh & did I want to start a new WI booklet? I say "nope", those booklets are important to me & I wasn't going to leave one incomplete just because I didn't like the number on it.
Anyways... I was okay w/ it... well, sorta. I did get a little teary-eyed when I was walking to my truck... disappointed w/ myself, but I knew that it was reality & it was probably just what I needed to get my fire lit again.
I’m having such a strange time w/ this... knowing EXACTLY what I need to do... knowing EXACTLY what I need to be telling myself to get the momentum going again... positive self talk, finding things to be proud of... all of those “cheerleading” things that I’ve said to you guys for the last 2 years... but I’m just so busy, tired & worn out, that it’s just so much easier to be mindless, like I used to be. I hate that.
Anyways (I like saying anyways, LOL!)... I’m working through it right now... MAKING myself “just do it” because I know it’s what will help get me going again.
...& I AM proud of myself... I’m still here (although not HERE much)... this is still my life & I’m NEVER going to give up...
...I’d just really like to start moving forward again! :o)
So, I’ve given up on CORE... I TRIED it again last week & you can see what happened. There’s something that trips me up each time I try to go w/out journaling... not only do I not journal the CORE items, but I find myself not journaling ANYTHING. Journaling has obviously been what works for me... I didn’t start this downward spiral until just after I first tried CORE in the fall... so it’s pretty obvious. I still want to EAT CORE... healthy / whole foods are the direction I want to head...(I HAVE to get rid of this sugar addiction I have!) but I have to journal EVERYTHING. It’s been tough to get back in the habit of journaling (& measuring/weighing), but I’m going to do it because it’s what works.
Anyways :o)
...thanks for listening guys!!
Julie
....OH, the GOAL thing... I had been talking to my DH a few days before about how I’m feeling way out of control & he’s been really supportive, knowing it’s just a phase for me... & I told him before I went to WW that I was fully expecting to be back in the 200s & when I got home he said “So how did it go?” & I said “201!” & he put his thumb up & said “Yeah, you did it!!” (all supportive-like) & I said “Yeah, I reached my goal!!” LOL!
Obviously it wasn't a desired goal of mine, but the fact that I've been going through one of those MINDLESS phases lately (letting life get in the way) I was completely expecting to see 200 on the scale at my Saturday WI & I didn't let myself down!! (of course I wore JEANS & had Chinese the night before, which never helps, but I didn't care)
So... not only am I back in TWOTERVILLE, it was almost exactly a year ago that I SLOWLY worked my way OUT of it... so I’ve completely wiped out this full year! Crazy!!
I'm proud of myself, though. Weird, huh? My normal M.O. (THIS journey... previous M.O. would've been to give up WAY BACK WHEN) is to NOT WI & just see if I could get it back together for the next WI. I NEVER wanted to see 200 on the scale again... & DEFINITELY didn't want it written down in my WI booklet! But Saturday morning I realized that it was time to stop playing that game & that I really needed to face reality, no matter how ugly it was.
When I went to step on the scale, I told the receptionist that I fully expected to be back in the 200s & she confirmed that I indeed was... said that it was time to start fresh & did I want to start a new WI booklet? I say "nope", those booklets are important to me & I wasn't going to leave one incomplete just because I didn't like the number on it.
Anyways... I was okay w/ it... well, sorta. I did get a little teary-eyed when I was walking to my truck... disappointed w/ myself, but I knew that it was reality & it was probably just what I needed to get my fire lit again.
I’m having such a strange time w/ this... knowing EXACTLY what I need to do... knowing EXACTLY what I need to be telling myself to get the momentum going again... positive self talk, finding things to be proud of... all of those “cheerleading” things that I’ve said to you guys for the last 2 years... but I’m just so busy, tired & worn out, that it’s just so much easier to be mindless, like I used to be. I hate that.
Anyways (I like saying anyways, LOL!)... I’m working through it right now... MAKING myself “just do it” because I know it’s what will help get me going again.
...& I AM proud of myself... I’m still here (although not HERE much)... this is still my life & I’m NEVER going to give up...
...I’d just really like to start moving forward again! :o)
So, I’ve given up on CORE... I TRIED it again last week & you can see what happened. There’s something that trips me up each time I try to go w/out journaling... not only do I not journal the CORE items, but I find myself not journaling ANYTHING. Journaling has obviously been what works for me... I didn’t start this downward spiral until just after I first tried CORE in the fall... so it’s pretty obvious. I still want to EAT CORE... healthy / whole foods are the direction I want to head...(I HAVE to get rid of this sugar addiction I have!) but I have to journal EVERYTHING. It’s been tough to get back in the habit of journaling (& measuring/weighing), but I’m going to do it because it’s what works.
Anyways :o)
...thanks for listening guys!!
Julie
....OH, the GOAL thing... I had been talking to my DH a few days before about how I’m feeling way out of control & he’s been really supportive, knowing it’s just a phase for me... & I told him before I went to WW that I was fully expecting to be back in the 200s & when I got home he said “So how did it go?” & I said “201!” & he put his thumb up & said “Yeah, you did it!!” (all supportive-like) & I said “Yeah, I reached my goal!!” LOL!
Saturday, February 19, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 107 WEEKS OP
UGH!! My biggest gain ever...two REALLY out of control weeks! I hate showing you guys this roller coaster of gains & losses... nothing "inspiring" about this ride!!
Facing reality...
Weeks OP: 107
Weight: 201.6
Loss/Gain: +7.2
TOTAL Loss: 73.4
Pounds to Goal: 56.6
Facing reality...
Weeks OP: 107
Weight: 201.6
Loss/Gain: +7.2
TOTAL Loss: 73.4
Pounds to Goal: 56.6
Saturday, February 5, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 105 WEEKS OP
Been a few weeks since I had a WI... actually, it's been a few ROUGH weeks since I had a WI! :o) We're FINALLY past the holidays & birthdays... got the crap out of the house & am working on getting that fire lit under me again! Was fully expecting a gain, but obviously I'm not being THAT bad, just not as GOOD as I'd like to be! :o) I had a great week leading up to this WI & am feeling that old stirring of pride & positiveness & I know that will lead to more motivation & more dedication to doing the right thing!!
Weeks OP: 105
Weight: 194.4
Loss/Gain: -0.8
TOTAL Loss: 80.6
Pounds to Goal: 49.4
Weeks OP: 105
Weight: 194.4
Loss/Gain: -0.8
TOTAL Loss: 80.6
Pounds to Goal: 49.4
Sunday, January 23, 2005
RAMBLING...2 YEAR WW Anniversary... a Julie Ramble
Hey all... just wanted to share w/ my GoaD family that yesterday was my 2 year anniversary.
I have to tell you that THIS anniversary is COMPLETELY different than last year's (you can read my 1st year anniversary rambling on my website... http://tinyurl.com/5h4fs)... I mean, last year I had SO MUCH success as far as weight loss goes... I had lost 65 lbs & I was sooooooo motivated & so religiously OP. I was right on the verge of leaping into ONDERLAND... it was such an exciting & emotional time for me.
This year, however, has been REALLY rough weight-wise. Yeah, I made it into ONDERLAND (in February) & haven't looked back, but it took me 32 (w/ many weeks of nothing in between) weeks to reach my lowest weight of 185.6... 17.5 lbs... averaging out to a 1/2 lb per week... perfectly OP (98% anyways), still determined to do what I knew was right, etc...
I joined a gym in June, worked w/ a Personal Trainer for the summer, loved every minute of it! I’m still going to the gym... mainly for Aqua classes (awesome workout), but the weight training has fallen to the wayside & I really want to get back to it (got a weight bench for Christmas! LOL!).
The last 4 months or so have been all about trying to keep my head above water (& not doing a very good job of it!). I’ve been stumbling & some days I’m completely up to no good :o) ...I’ve stopped moving forward (even if it was sooooo slowly) & have even taken several steps backwards. My weight loss for the year is now sitting @ about 7 lbs. WOW, that’s a tough number to wrap my head around.
Yeah... sometimes it feels like I’m losing (the battle), especially when I look @ a number like THAT... feeling like I completely wasted a full year of my life... but then I sit back & realize that I’ve not given up... I’ve not thrown in the towel & said “I can’t do this!” I KNOW that this is my life & what I’ve learned this year is that it’s not as easy as I thought it was! :o) But I didn’t start this because I thought it would be easy. I didn’t begin this journey w/ a finish line in mind... I KNOW that this isn’t a race. I know that this isn’t all about always doing the right thing... that it’s more about stumbling & learning along the way. THAT’S what this year has been about for me... stumbling & learning along the way... being proud of myself not because I succeeded... but because I’m still here. I’m not giving up... that’s never crossed my mind.
I DO want more, though... I WANT to move forward & make it to goal this year. I want to PARTICIPATE in the challenges, rather than just head them up! :o) I want to find the time for ME again... time to be MINDFUL & THOUGHTFUL. I’ve been so darned busy lately that I’ve not taken the time for ME that I need & I’m going to make the point of doing so again.
Okay... I’m rambling on w/ absolutely no thought of where I’m going (word-wise)...
...just know that I’m OKAY.
I’m sorry that I don’t have as much time for all of you right now... I miss being a part of GoaD on a daily basis, but I’m still here.
Thank you for being here for ME!
Julie
I have to tell you that THIS anniversary is COMPLETELY different than last year's (you can read my 1st year anniversary rambling on my website... http://tinyurl.com/5h4fs)... I mean, last year I had SO MUCH success as far as weight loss goes... I had lost 65 lbs & I was sooooooo motivated & so religiously OP. I was right on the verge of leaping into ONDERLAND... it was such an exciting & emotional time for me.
This year, however, has been REALLY rough weight-wise. Yeah, I made it into ONDERLAND (in February) & haven't looked back, but it took me 32 (w/ many weeks of nothing in between) weeks to reach my lowest weight of 185.6... 17.5 lbs... averaging out to a 1/2 lb per week... perfectly OP (98% anyways), still determined to do what I knew was right, etc...
I joined a gym in June, worked w/ a Personal Trainer for the summer, loved every minute of it! I’m still going to the gym... mainly for Aqua classes (awesome workout), but the weight training has fallen to the wayside & I really want to get back to it (got a weight bench for Christmas! LOL!).
The last 4 months or so have been all about trying to keep my head above water (& not doing a very good job of it!). I’ve been stumbling & some days I’m completely up to no good :o) ...I’ve stopped moving forward (even if it was sooooo slowly) & have even taken several steps backwards. My weight loss for the year is now sitting @ about 7 lbs. WOW, that’s a tough number to wrap my head around.
Yeah... sometimes it feels like I’m losing (the battle), especially when I look @ a number like THAT... feeling like I completely wasted a full year of my life... but then I sit back & realize that I’ve not given up... I’ve not thrown in the towel & said “I can’t do this!” I KNOW that this is my life & what I’ve learned this year is that it’s not as easy as I thought it was! :o) But I didn’t start this because I thought it would be easy. I didn’t begin this journey w/ a finish line in mind... I KNOW that this isn’t a race. I know that this isn’t all about always doing the right thing... that it’s more about stumbling & learning along the way. THAT’S what this year has been about for me... stumbling & learning along the way... being proud of myself not because I succeeded... but because I’m still here. I’m not giving up... that’s never crossed my mind.
I DO want more, though... I WANT to move forward & make it to goal this year. I want to PARTICIPATE in the challenges, rather than just head them up! :o) I want to find the time for ME again... time to be MINDFUL & THOUGHTFUL. I’ve been so darned busy lately that I’ve not taken the time for ME that I need & I’m going to make the point of doing so again.
Okay... I’m rambling on w/ absolutely no thought of where I’m going (word-wise)...
...just know that I’m OKAY.
I’m sorry that I don’t have as much time for all of you right now... I miss being a part of GoaD on a daily basis, but I’m still here.
Thank you for being here for ME!
Julie
Saturday, January 15, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 102 WEEKS OP
I had a GREAT week... feeling a little more steady on my feet...back to journaling EVERYTHING & moving my butt again! Still BUSY BUSY BUSY, but trying to find some time for ME!! Thought the weight loss would be much better, figuring that new weight would come off quickly, but NOT!! LOL! Guess I'm going to have to work for it (& learn from it!)
Weeks OP: 102
Weight: 195.2
Loss/Gain: -1.6
TOTAL Loss: 79.8
Pounds to Goal: 50.2
Weeks OP: 102
Weight: 195.2
Loss/Gain: -1.6
TOTAL Loss: 79.8
Pounds to Goal: 50.2
Saturday, January 8, 2005
WEIGH-IN: 101 WEEKS OP
I'M STILL HERE!!
The holidays knocked me over, BIG TIME...I was BUSY BUSY BUSY & totally up to NO GOOD!! :o) Things have been nuts & I haven't taken much time for ME lately... time to take a breath & get back to being MINDFUL! I'm figuring it out... will write about it soon.
Weeks OP: 101
Weight: 196.8
Loss/Gain: +4.2
TOTAL Loss: 78.2
Pounds to Goal: 51.8
The holidays knocked me over, BIG TIME...I was BUSY BUSY BUSY & totally up to NO GOOD!! :o) Things have been nuts & I haven't taken much time for ME lately... time to take a breath & get back to being MINDFUL! I'm figuring it out... will write about it soon.
Weeks OP: 101
Weight: 196.8
Loss/Gain: +4.2
TOTAL Loss: 78.2
Pounds to Goal: 51.8
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
