RAMBLING...Wild Ramblings of a year gone by...

It was a year ago today that I joined WW for the last time.

I have the same story as many of you. I had been a WW failure since high school, when I joined w/ my Mom for the first time. WW failure… pretty harsh, huh? I have never really tried any other weight loss program… I wasn’t into fad diets, ever…. well, w/ the exception of my first diet in high school… the low carb one, where I was living on packages of Budding roast beef & a few soda crackers a day. Yeah, I lost weight (not that I had much to lose back then, I just thought I did)….but I gave that diet up when I had this little incident that scared the holy heck out of my little sister. We had company & I came downstairs to the breakfast bar where my Mom had a bowl of Doritos set out (not for breakfast, LOL!). I grabbed one, brought it to my mouth & passed out cold, flat on my back… w/ my eyes OPEN!!! Freaked Jill out… she, of course, thought I was dead!!! LOL!! I suppose I COULD blame it all on the Doritos… too many carbs! :o)

Anyways… I think at that point I realized that going the stupid (quick fix) route was, well, STUPID! So, after I gained that weight back, & then some, I tried WW for the first time. There have been MANY “attempts” @ WW I truly believed that they were the way to go… they always seemed to be about basic nutrition, common sense, etc… and I am a Common Sense kind of girl. But, w/ each attempt came failure. Except for my first try, where I lost 20 lbs, I never got past the 10 lb mark. I never understood why… I believed that I had no WILLPOWER & that I was never going to make it. That didn’t keep me from trying again… and again… just one more time!! But you know my story… I gave up “dieting” all the way back in 1991… I was tired of failing & I knew that it was the “dieting” part that just didn’t work. I needed to figure out how I could do something that I could live w/… so I just waited for that something to come my way. I waited & waited… but of course, in the meantime, I gained & gained. I had babies, I gained some more.

I am not REALLY all that sure what finally clicked for me… but in mid 2001 I decided that I was FINALLY ready to do something about my weight… I just had to figure out what. My neighbor asked me to join WW w/ her & I said okay… but then I FREAKED, cuz I had told myself for years that “diets don’t work”. I knew WW was different… I had even heard that they had made some amazing improvements to the program & knew it was worth checking out… but I was still hung up on the “dieting” issue… and for me, all along, WW = dieting. I finally gave in & joined in late September 2001 & it was GREAT!! I felt way in control of myself… something had definitely changed for me. I was able to get 20 lbs off & I was really proud of myself. I even made it through the holidays OP… that blew me away. BUT, I let life get in my way & by January 2002, I had stopped journaling & going to meetings. I hadn’t given up, I was just distracted. For the full year of 2002 I told myself that I wasn’t giving up, I hadn’t quit, I knew WW worked, I just had to find my way back.

I know now that I TRULY wasn’t ready to change my life when I joined in fall of 2001… I still had some figuring out to do. But something happened towards the end of 2002 that told me the time was right. I don’t know what it was… I had been dealing w/ mild depression over the last several years & at the end of 2002 I felt really down… much deeper than ever before & it made me a little desperate… I didn’t like it anymore. Time was passing me by & I was just getting deeper & deeper… depression, weight gain & just plain old being overwhelmed w/ LIFE. (don’t read too much into that…I have NEVER had suicidal thoughts, no matter how down I was) I had been too content to be happy w/ just getting by for way too long … waiting for things to get better, for the answers to come to me & then something just CLICKED… I had to FIND the answers myself!! I was the only one who was going to make these things happen. WOW…can you say “light bulb moment”?? Who would’ve thought that you actually had to WORK for something?? Not me. I was too lazy, I guess.

Anyways… this got me excited. I was finally ready to make some positive changes in my life. I just wasn’t so sure I knew how to go about it!! I talked to my psychiatrist who had been treating me for depression… he recommended a new psychologist who mainly worked w/ athletes… behavioral stuff. He figured she would know how to get me started… w/ diet, exercise, behavioral stuff, etc. Boy was he right. Well, sorta. :o) I had seen a few different psychologists over the last few years… it never got me anywhere good. This one seemed to be the same. She seemed to be your typical TV shrink…. you know… “So, what do YOU think about that?” “What do YOU think should be your next step?” Hello??? I came to YOU, right?? If I had the answers to those questions, I wouldn’t be here! Very sweet, but not for me. I went back to my doctor & told him that I didn’t think she would work out for me… I needed someone to kick my butt, not coddle me. He told me to go right back to her & tell her this. So I did. :o) I told her the same thing & she said “no problem, I can kick your butt!” LOL!! I guess she wasn’t too sure how to handle me that first session… was I so depressed that any push would send me over the edge?? Nope, not that depressed! :o) So, from then on, we’ve been the ultimate problem solving team. That day we made a plan. Part of that plan included joining WW. I knew that was the way to go & she completely agreed. So I did just that & I’ve never looked back!!!

I look back on this year & I see so much success, so many positive changes… almost 65 lbs later & so close to ONDERLAND, I am just blown away!!

So… why this time? How did I get past that 10 lb point this time w/out giving up? Because I knew I could!!! I realize that now. Never in my life did I really think I could succeed at this. I never thought of WW as anything other than a diet… temporary. I know better now. I know I have BECOME this LIFESTYLE. I realized that in order for me to be able to live this lifestyle forever, I needed to make it something positive. Something good & something SATISFYING. I looked at my past & figured out at what point I failed. I was too hard on myself. I was expecting myself to be perfect & I wasn’t, & that was disappointing. I also dreaded the scale. I counted on those numbers way too much, so I realized that I needed to not do that this time. It just doesn’t matter.

For me, this is about CHANGING MY LIFE. Setting myself off in a positive direction & just going with it. NOT ONCE this year have I felt any twinge of failure. I’ve never thought about giving up. Giving up? This is ME… I’d be giving up on ME! I’ve gotten through several WIs where I had an unexpected gain. (like my last one!! LOL!) I’ve even made it through a 7-week plateau! Not once did I think of anything other than just going forward. I know where I’m going… I know it’s not going to be the “perfect journey” & I know that it is up to me to make this happen.

Oh my... I have no clue how to stop this post! LOL!! I'm talking myself into circles (again) & don't know where I'm trying to get to. LOL!!

Okay... simply, to sum it up... What have I learned this year?
I CAN do this!!!
Keep it positive
Enjoy the process
Practice patience
Believe in yourself
Find SATISFACTION in each step you take
Take the time to learn about yourself, especially from your mistakes.
Be creative.
Forgive yourself
Be there for others
& make GOAD part of your daily existence :o)

THANK YOU, guys...for being here for me this past year. Being part of GoaD has been a life changing experience! I've said it many MANY times, but I have to say it again :o) ... I know I would've been OKAY if I had to have done this past year on my own... but I know that I am THRIVING because of all of you!! You have helped change my life & I am so very grateful!

AND... (I just had a thought! LOL!) because of YOU & my experience on GoaD... I know that I'm about to set the rest of my life in a completely different direction than I had ever planned. I AM going to become a WW Leader once I hit goal (which, before this year, I had never even THOUGHT about doing)... BUT, I want to do more. I want to be able to personally touch people as individuals. I don't know how yet, I'm trying to work that out, but I know that I'm going to do SOMETHING. I've been told so many times that I was going to do something great w/ my life... I always thought it was something creative... something in the Interior Design world, or maybe something else, but something creative, Artsy. I realize now that this "SOMETHING" is much more personal. I believe in myself now... I believe I can help change lives, THAT is the "something" I'm going to set off to do.

OKAY, OKAY :o) THIS MORNING'S WI... ONDERLAND...

NOT!!

I am actually UP from my unofficial New Year's weight.... 203.2. THIS is why you don't weigh on different scales!! :o)

I was SURPRISED, to say the least... but, in reality, I wasn't REALLY surprised, because I really know better than to expect the scale to do what you want WHEN you want it to, right?? This is why I usually don't get my hopes up when it comes to weigh-ins.

BUT, that IS weird... it's been a full month since I had an official WI & yes, the holidays were in the middle of all that, but I certainly expected to lose more than one pound, which is what it was... from 204.4 to 203.2.

Anyways... what counts is that I KNOW that I'm on the right track... I'm living my life like a normal / healthy person, my attitude is GREAT & I'm NOT going to let the scale guide me through this process.

But ohhhhhhhhh.... crossing over into ONDERLAND is so exciting!! I know I'll be there next time. (unless this is my SECOND round w/ a plateau!)

It was a great meeting, none the less. Lots of new people from when I was there last month. I didn't have any "awards" this time... no reason for Michelle to ask me to share what my story is... what I've changed, etc... stuff she usually tries to draw out of me. :o) Well... after she gave out awards, someone asked about figuring out points for recipes & eTools was mentioned & I said something about how great it is, the Recipe builder, for not only figuring out points for your existing recipes, but to take them & tweak them, figuring out how to make them friendlier, etc. & it was funny. She says.... "I realized earlier that this is the day you would be here" (since I only go bi-weekly) "you see, Julie is really involved in the WW online community & I want you to tell them about your website" .... I said "my website?" (thinking maybe she meant this board that I hang out on) & she said "yes".

...so I told them that I have put together a website about my journey. That I tend to ramble on & on w/ you guys & decided that I needed to have a place to put down ideas & chronicle how my life is changing, where my head is & all that. That I've put it out there in hopes that others will pick up something that they can use... that I'm an open book, etc... Anyways... she said "if you want to get her site's address, talk to her after the meeting" LOL!! So, I had several ask me for the address. One of the few regular guys we have in our meeting, Neal, asked me for it (he said I inspired him... made me smile.) & I asked him if he's ever come check this site out, specifically this board & he hadn't... so I highly recommended eTools & GoaD (can't say enough about you guys!) and hopefully he'll be popping in to say hi & join in, too.

Another lady, Linda, who I hadn't seen before, asked for my site's address & we started talking.... ended up staying around for a half hour after the meeting was over. We talked ALOT about struggles & all that... she really touched me, she has lost 60 lbs, too, but is at that stage where she's stumbling, feeling like she still has such a long way to go. So, you know me, I had to point out all of the positive stuff, let her know that she CAN do it.......etc... told her to please check out my website... that I feel totally full of myself when I do that, but that I put it there for that purpose. She started just over 300.... but she looks great & I told her so. She hasn't gotten feedback from ANYONE other than her husband... even her family that she went home & saw over the holidays. Anyways... I gave her my phone number & told her to feel free to call me & told her when I am at the meetings. She really touched me.

Anyways... guys, I think I've rambled on enough, don't you? LOL!! Thank you all for your encouragement & support throughout this entire journey of mine... especially these last few weeks, knowing that I'm SOOOOOOOO close to ONDERLAND! :o) I didn't get to have my breakdown @ my meeting today, but I know it's coming up soon! :o)

I'm so glad to be a part of something so great..... GoaD, of course!!

Have a FABULOUS weekend!!!

xoxox....Julie

ARTICLE...DR. PHIL ON WILLPOWER - 1 OF 3

Dr Phil: “Willpower is Overrated!” There’s a better way to keep your resolve from dissolving.
By Phillip C. McGraw, PH.D (O magazine January 2001)

Keeping Your Resolutions
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

QUESTION:
How can I stick to my resolutions?
Something must be seriously wrong w/ me. I seem to have absolutely no discipline or conviction. Every January 1, I make ten lofty resolutions. I get really excited in the beginning; I feel confident and committed to making changes, but I never – and I mean never – follow through. For once, I would like to actually eat healthily, do the exercise, change the job, get rid of this doofus I am living with, and start painting and writing again. I worry that I just need to face the ugly truth that I’m weak and have no willpower. Or is there a way I can make some real changes?

ANSWER:
Of course you can start eating well, do the exercise, change the job, dump the doofus, and paint and write to your heart’s content. You’re not some loser, so stop behaving like one. I am betting that your results are the same year after year because you stick to the same pattern: New Year’s comes, and like millions of others, you examine your life, find things are less than ideal, and begin dreaming of a better future. You’re excited by the prospect of change: You launch a fitness program, start sending out resumes, buy a set of watercolors…and then you fizzle out before actually incorporating any real changes into your daily routine. By spring or summer, I is the same old you, the same old life, and the same old doofus planted on the couch like a box of rocks.

Now, I’m not saying you are weak, but you are obviously stuck big time. You’ve fallen victim to one of the biggest myths ever – that all you need is a little more willpower. It’s a highly overrated concept and can lead to great disappointment, particularly if you are working toward long-term change. The problem with willpower is that it is defined and fueled by emotions. Think about it: When you start your program, you feel strong, committed, and confident. You’re highly motivated because emotionally you’re on a high. You can do anything, right?” But emotions tend to fade. No one can be up all the time. Soon you lose energy and become less committed. The less committed you feel, the more you find excuses not to exercise, eat right, or break it off with a less than ideal partner. How often does this happen? Not some of the time – all of the time.

That’s not to say willpower doesn’t have its purpose. It’s great in the short run. But as I said, willpower is not how you change your life in the long run. Many of us aren’t strong in the willpower department, including me. (My dad always said, “McGraw men are tough; we can handle anything – except pain and temptation.”) I’ve found the way to achieve real change can be summed up in one word: programming. Unlike emotionally fueled willpower, good solid planning will carry you toward your goals even when you don’t feel like it. Programming will get you out of bed on a cold February morning to go jog when you fell as if you’d much rather sink back into the mattress. To succeed long-term, you have to take emotions out of the equation – and to do that, I suggest you follow these five steps and reprogram your approach to your resolutions.

STEP 1: Choose a realistic goal. Resist the temptation to gloss over important details or omit them altogether. Focus on only those things you have control over, and don’t pursue outcomes that are unattainable.

STEP 2: Qualify your goal. Real goals must be measurable and observable, otherwise you’ll be bogged down trying to figure out what you’re actually aiming for. Serious goals leave no room for confusion about what is desired.

STEP 3: Define your goal in terms of small steps. Goals must be carefully broken down into manageable steps that ultimately lead to the desired outcome. Don’t try to create change in giant leaps. Be patient and let it happen over time.

STEP 4: Set up a time line for achieving your goal. You need a particular calendar date and a schedule for completion. “Someday” is not a day of the week. Be precise as to what you are going to do and when you are going to do it.

STEP 5: Create a system to monitor your progress. Without accountability, you are apt to con yourself – or fail to recognize poor performance in time to adjust your behavior. Ask a friend or a family member if you can report your progress to her on a regular basis. The thought of looking someone else in the eye and admitting failure is typically unpleasant enough to inspire you to stick with the program.

Next...Taking the First Step

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Philip C. McGraw, Ph.D., is president of Courtroom Sciences, a litigation firm in Texas. He is the author of Life Strategies and Relationship Rescue. Have a question for Dr McGraw? Send it to: Tell It Like It Is, 0, The Oprah Magazine, 1700 Broadway ,38th floor New York, NY 100I9. Or visit Oprah.com and click on 0, The Oprah Magazine.

ARTICLE...DR. PHIL ON WILLPOWER - 2 OF 3

Dr Phil: “Willpower is Overrated!” There’s a better way to keep your resolve from dissolving.
By Phillip C. McGraw, PH.D (O magazine January 2001)

Taking the First Step
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

QUESTION:
Why am I afraid to take the first step?
I was recently at a party where everyone was talking about New Year’s resolutions. I am about 175 pounds overweight and want so badly to change my body. But when my turn came to announce a resolution, I chickened out and chose some meaningless hooey about reading more and improving my mind. I hate myself for being so overweight, but I hate myself even more for being intimidated by the idea of actually losing the weight. If I had 30 pounds to lose, or even 50, I think I could face it. But my weight has gotten so far out of hand, I’ve just given up. How can I ever find my way back to a healthy body when I am too scared to even say that I want it?

ANSWER:
I completely understand how such a huge task can be overwhelming. Where most people would be proud to lose 10 to 20 pounds, you feel losing that amount of weight is like a spit in the ocean. But that’s the wrong way to be looking at your problem. You aren’t helpless, you aren’t lost, and you don’t have the right to give up on yourself.

Your first and greatest challenge is not the struggle to lose 175 pounds, it’s to overcome the self-defeating internal dialogue that has paralyzed you. You’re telling

It’s clear that you are afraid that if you try to lose the weight you might fail. You need to stop pummeling yourself with negative thoughts for being where you are and realize that you are a failure only if you quite while you’re behind. The second you start pursuing your goal in earnest, you’re in control again!

Think about it this way: The next six, eight, or ten months are going to fly by whether you are doing something about your weight problem or not. Instead of being intimidated and afraid of failure, why don’t you focus on the math? Losing even two or three pounds per week over the next eight months can add up to 6o pounds or more. Don’t focus on dropping 175’ pounds. Think about trying to lose just a pound or two or three per week— that’s something you can tackle. You are wasting time by repeatedly berating yourself—don’t wait another day to start this journey. (To help you make a plan for those couple of pounds a week, follow the steps I outlined in my answer to the first question above.)


Next...The Buddy System...Good Idea??

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Philip C. McGraw, Ph.D., is president of Courtroom Sciences, a litigation firm in Texas. He is the author of Life Strategies and Relationship Rescue. Have a question for Dr McGraw? Send it to: Tell It Like It Is, 0, The Oprah Magazine, 1700 Broadway ,38th floor New York, NY 100I9. Or visit Oprah.com and click on 0, The Oprah Magazine.

ARTICLE...DR. PHIL ON WILLPOWER - 3 OF 3

Dr Phil: “Willpower is Overrated!” There’s a better way to keep your resolve from dissolving.
By Phillip C. McGraw, PH.D (O magazine January 2001)

The Buddy System...Good Idea?
------------------------------------------

QUESTION:
When is the buddy system a bad idea?
I have a friend who is concerned about some of the same things that are really bugging me. I want to get in shape by starting a regular plan of jogging and exercise, My friend suggests that we work out together so we can support and motivate each other. Is that a good idea, or am I better off making my own plan? I’m not at all sure if I want this to be a social process.

ANSWER:
Which approach is best for you depends on a lot of things, but the bottom line is that you are probably better off making your own plan and just going after it. Why? Because problems can arise when someone you don’t have control over (pretty much anybody else) figures into your plans.

I’m not saying mutual support is a bad thing: It can certainly be helpful, especially if your friend is as committed as you are and has an upbeat, positive attitude about working out and exercising together As I mentioned in Steps of the answer to the first question, creating a system to monitor your progress is an important part of achieving any goal. By coordinating your efforts, you and your friend could, in theory, monitor each other and chart your progress.

But if you get in the habit of relying on your friend for ‘motivation, you are vulnerable to her ups and downs. Your friend can’t be there 24-7 to influence your eating habits, and she can’t drag you out of bed in the morning to go for a jog. On the days when she’s feeling down or unmotivated, she might encourage you to play hooky, too.

So don’t allow yourself to become dependent on her level of commitment when it comes down to doing something that only you can do. I suggest that once you’ve devised your own exercise program, show it to your friend and explain that this is what you are going to do. Tell her that if she wants to come along, fine. If she doesn’t, that’s fine, too. The most important thing is to resolve from the beginning that personal health is just that: personal.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Philip C. McGraw, Ph.D., is president of Courtroom Sciences, a litigation firm in Texas. He is the author of Life Strategies and Relationship Rescue. Have a question for Dr McGraw? Send it to: Tell It Like It Is, 0, The Oprah Magazine, 1700 Broadway ,38th floor New York, NY 100I9. Or visit Oprah.com and click on 0, The Oprah Magazine.