RAMBLING...Wild Ramblings of a year gone by...

It was a year ago today that I joined WW for the last time.

I have the same story as many of you. I had been a WW failure since high school, when I joined w/ my Mom for the first time. WW failure… pretty harsh, huh? I have never really tried any other weight loss program… I wasn’t into fad diets, ever…. well, w/ the exception of my first diet in high school… the low carb one, where I was living on packages of Budding roast beef & a few soda crackers a day. Yeah, I lost weight (not that I had much to lose back then, I just thought I did)….but I gave that diet up when I had this little incident that scared the holy heck out of my little sister. We had company & I came downstairs to the breakfast bar where my Mom had a bowl of Doritos set out (not for breakfast, LOL!). I grabbed one, brought it to my mouth & passed out cold, flat on my back… w/ my eyes OPEN!!! Freaked Jill out… she, of course, thought I was dead!!! LOL!! I suppose I COULD blame it all on the Doritos… too many carbs! :o)

Anyways… I think at that point I realized that going the stupid (quick fix) route was, well, STUPID! So, after I gained that weight back, & then some, I tried WW for the first time. There have been MANY “attempts” @ WW I truly believed that they were the way to go… they always seemed to be about basic nutrition, common sense, etc… and I am a Common Sense kind of girl. But, w/ each attempt came failure. Except for my first try, where I lost 20 lbs, I never got past the 10 lb mark. I never understood why… I believed that I had no WILLPOWER & that I was never going to make it. That didn’t keep me from trying again… and again… just one more time!! But you know my story… I gave up “dieting” all the way back in 1991… I was tired of failing & I knew that it was the “dieting” part that just didn’t work. I needed to figure out how I could do something that I could live w/… so I just waited for that something to come my way. I waited & waited… but of course, in the meantime, I gained & gained. I had babies, I gained some more.

I am not REALLY all that sure what finally clicked for me… but in mid 2001 I decided that I was FINALLY ready to do something about my weight… I just had to figure out what. My neighbor asked me to join WW w/ her & I said okay… but then I FREAKED, cuz I had told myself for years that “diets don’t work”. I knew WW was different… I had even heard that they had made some amazing improvements to the program & knew it was worth checking out… but I was still hung up on the “dieting” issue… and for me, all along, WW = dieting. I finally gave in & joined in late September 2001 & it was GREAT!! I felt way in control of myself… something had definitely changed for me. I was able to get 20 lbs off & I was really proud of myself. I even made it through the holidays OP… that blew me away. BUT, I let life get in my way & by January 2002, I had stopped journaling & going to meetings. I hadn’t given up, I was just distracted. For the full year of 2002 I told myself that I wasn’t giving up, I hadn’t quit, I knew WW worked, I just had to find my way back.

I know now that I TRULY wasn’t ready to change my life when I joined in fall of 2001… I still had some figuring out to do. But something happened towards the end of 2002 that told me the time was right. I don’t know what it was… I had been dealing w/ mild depression over the last several years & at the end of 2002 I felt really down… much deeper than ever before & it made me a little desperate… I didn’t like it anymore. Time was passing me by & I was just getting deeper & deeper… depression, weight gain & just plain old being overwhelmed w/ LIFE. (don’t read too much into that…I have NEVER had suicidal thoughts, no matter how down I was) I had been too content to be happy w/ just getting by for way too long … waiting for things to get better, for the answers to come to me & then something just CLICKED… I had to FIND the answers myself!! I was the only one who was going to make these things happen. WOW…can you say “light bulb moment”?? Who would’ve thought that you actually had to WORK for something?? Not me. I was too lazy, I guess.

Anyways… this got me excited. I was finally ready to make some positive changes in my life. I just wasn’t so sure I knew how to go about it!! I talked to my psychiatrist who had been treating me for depression… he recommended a new psychologist who mainly worked w/ athletes… behavioral stuff. He figured she would know how to get me started… w/ diet, exercise, behavioral stuff, etc. Boy was he right. Well, sorta. :o) I had seen a few different psychologists over the last few years… it never got me anywhere good. This one seemed to be the same. She seemed to be your typical TV shrink…. you know… “So, what do YOU think about that?” “What do YOU think should be your next step?” Hello??? I came to YOU, right?? If I had the answers to those questions, I wouldn’t be here! Very sweet, but not for me. I went back to my doctor & told him that I didn’t think she would work out for me… I needed someone to kick my butt, not coddle me. He told me to go right back to her & tell her this. So I did. :o) I told her the same thing & she said “no problem, I can kick your butt!” LOL!! I guess she wasn’t too sure how to handle me that first session… was I so depressed that any push would send me over the edge?? Nope, not that depressed! :o) So, from then on, we’ve been the ultimate problem solving team. That day we made a plan. Part of that plan included joining WW. I knew that was the way to go & she completely agreed. So I did just that & I’ve never looked back!!!

I look back on this year & I see so much success, so many positive changes… almost 65 lbs later & so close to ONDERLAND, I am just blown away!!

So… why this time? How did I get past that 10 lb point this time w/out giving up? Because I knew I could!!! I realize that now. Never in my life did I really think I could succeed at this. I never thought of WW as anything other than a diet… temporary. I know better now. I know I have BECOME this LIFESTYLE. I realized that in order for me to be able to live this lifestyle forever, I needed to make it something positive. Something good & something SATISFYING. I looked at my past & figured out at what point I failed. I was too hard on myself. I was expecting myself to be perfect & I wasn’t, & that was disappointing. I also dreaded the scale. I counted on those numbers way too much, so I realized that I needed to not do that this time. It just doesn’t matter.

For me, this is about CHANGING MY LIFE. Setting myself off in a positive direction & just going with it. NOT ONCE this year have I felt any twinge of failure. I’ve never thought about giving up. Giving up? This is ME… I’d be giving up on ME! I’ve gotten through several WIs where I had an unexpected gain. (like my last one!! LOL!) I’ve even made it through a 7-week plateau! Not once did I think of anything other than just going forward. I know where I’m going… I know it’s not going to be the “perfect journey” & I know that it is up to me to make this happen.

Oh my... I have no clue how to stop this post! LOL!! I'm talking myself into circles (again) & don't know where I'm trying to get to. LOL!!

Okay... simply, to sum it up... What have I learned this year?
I CAN do this!!!
Keep it positive
Enjoy the process
Practice patience
Believe in yourself
Find SATISFACTION in each step you take
Take the time to learn about yourself, especially from your mistakes.
Be creative.
Forgive yourself
Be there for others
& make GOAD part of your daily existence :o)

THANK YOU, guys...for being here for me this past year. Being part of GoaD has been a life changing experience! I've said it many MANY times, but I have to say it again :o) ... I know I would've been OKAY if I had to have done this past year on my own... but I know that I am THRIVING because of all of you!! You have helped change my life & I am so very grateful!

AND... (I just had a thought! LOL!) because of YOU & my experience on GoaD... I know that I'm about to set the rest of my life in a completely different direction than I had ever planned. I AM going to become a WW Leader once I hit goal (which, before this year, I had never even THOUGHT about doing)... BUT, I want to do more. I want to be able to personally touch people as individuals. I don't know how yet, I'm trying to work that out, but I know that I'm going to do SOMETHING. I've been told so many times that I was going to do something great w/ my life... I always thought it was something creative... something in the Interior Design world, or maybe something else, but something creative, Artsy. I realize now that this "SOMETHING" is much more personal. I believe in myself now... I believe I can help change lives, THAT is the "something" I'm going to set off to do.