ARTICLE...DR. PHIL ON WILLPOWER - 3 OF 3

Dr Phil: “Willpower is Overrated!” There’s a better way to keep your resolve from dissolving.
By Phillip C. McGraw, PH.D (O magazine January 2001)

The Buddy System...Good Idea?
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QUESTION:
When is the buddy system a bad idea?
I have a friend who is concerned about some of the same things that are really bugging me. I want to get in shape by starting a regular plan of jogging and exercise, My friend suggests that we work out together so we can support and motivate each other. Is that a good idea, or am I better off making my own plan? I’m not at all sure if I want this to be a social process.

ANSWER:
Which approach is best for you depends on a lot of things, but the bottom line is that you are probably better off making your own plan and just going after it. Why? Because problems can arise when someone you don’t have control over (pretty much anybody else) figures into your plans.

I’m not saying mutual support is a bad thing: It can certainly be helpful, especially if your friend is as committed as you are and has an upbeat, positive attitude about working out and exercising together As I mentioned in Steps of the answer to the first question, creating a system to monitor your progress is an important part of achieving any goal. By coordinating your efforts, you and your friend could, in theory, monitor each other and chart your progress.

But if you get in the habit of relying on your friend for ‘motivation, you are vulnerable to her ups and downs. Your friend can’t be there 24-7 to influence your eating habits, and she can’t drag you out of bed in the morning to go for a jog. On the days when she’s feeling down or unmotivated, she might encourage you to play hooky, too.

So don’t allow yourself to become dependent on her level of commitment when it comes down to doing something that only you can do. I suggest that once you’ve devised your own exercise program, show it to your friend and explain that this is what you are going to do. Tell her that if she wants to come along, fine. If she doesn’t, that’s fine, too. The most important thing is to resolve from the beginning that personal health is just that: personal.


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Philip C. McGraw, Ph.D., is president of Courtroom Sciences, a litigation firm in Texas. He is the author of Life Strategies and Relationship Rescue. Have a question for Dr McGraw? Send it to: Tell It Like It Is, 0, The Oprah Magazine, 1700 Broadway ,38th floor New York, NY 100I9. Or visit Oprah.com and click on 0, The Oprah Magazine.