I WEIGHED IN YESTERDAY MORNING...

…an itty bitty 1.6 lb loss (week 42) (I know, it's not really itty bitty…but that’s a 2 week total) .... great for me, yes, but it doesn't get me ahead of the game in the New Year’s Challenge!! :o) I'm going to have to kick some major butt if I am going to get these last 10.7 lbs off in 6 weeks....a HUGE stretch!!

(PLUS, I know, as well as anybody, that the scale is NOT my friend… there could be a number of reasons why I didn’t have a larger loss…. the next few weeks will tell….who made this Challenge based on those darned numbers anyways??? LOL!!)

This isn’t a big deal… on any other day, it wouldn’t even be a thought that I’m not doing well enough… 1.6 lbs is great… it’s a great step in the right direction… but I would give ANYTHING to be in ONDERLAND by New Years 2004! That would be AWESOME!! But… I KNEW it was going to be a stretch when I started this challenge… I was up for the challenge & knew that even if I didn’t reach that goal, I would be THAT MUCH CLOSER because of the challenge!! I’m going to get through the holidays a winner…THAT is the intention of this whole challenge, right?? The great thing, too, is that I am really determined to try to figure out how to kick this up a notch… (BAM!) see if I can reach this goal in time!

Plus, the fact that I’m almost neck & neck w/ Maryellen (medowney) makes this challenge that much more fun!! We started out OP almost at the same weight, I think we were right together when the challenge started & we tend to pass eachother by ounces at each WI! LOL!! PLUS, we’re the same age… and I think our brains use the same wavelength, don’t you, Maryellen… since we posted separate posts to eachother yesterday w/in seconds of eachother!! LOL!! Scary!! :o)

I gotta figure out what to do to kick it up a bit... I mean, I'm walking AT LEAST a full hour every other day, if not daily... but I obviously need to add in some aerobic stuff... time to pull out my Richard Simmons "Sweating to the Oldies" tape! LOL!! I’m also going to pull out my Tae Bo tapes… I think I might be up to them now… I think I’m in a little better shape than I was the last time I tried them (like 2 years ago!! LOL!)!

Fats, too... I've been told to get in some added fat each day... like 3 points extra... don't know if that is oil or butter type fat, or like avocado & nuts type fat. Hmmmmmm....

&... to eat or not to eat more flexpoints... that is the question!?? I mean, I’ve been trying to end my weeks w/ at least half of my flexpoints left. But, my all-knowing leader has said that they’ve seen better losses in those that actually eat all of their flexpoints than in those that try to avoid them. (also the added fat and getting my dairy from milk is supposed to be key, too!) I don’t know. I guess I’m just going to play around a bit & see if I notice anything different. I’m going to make today a high day, like the Wendi Plan, since yesterday was so low (22 pts)

Anyways…I’m just talking to myself….talking this thing through. All in all… I’m still thrilled how things are progressing! I mean, holy crap…I’ve lost almost 55 lbs since January!!! Okay… so I may not be in Onderland by January 1st… but I WILL BE in Onderland by mid-January…right? What’s a few weeks? (something like 14 days, right? LOL!!)

Oh yeah…. 42 weeks OP… I FINALLY filled my 26 week WW weigh-in book!! LOL!! I also got a BRAVO star sticker @ my meeting because I realized that I had reached my 2nd 10% at my LAST WI, when I passed 214!

NSV...

I am so proud of myself you guys!!

I normally walk 1 hour total... usually 3 miles. Well...today I walked an extra 25 minutes - 1.12 more miles!!! That was a first for me! Yeah me! WOW, it was AWESOME!!! I walked Brayden to his bus stop @ 12:30 & just started from there!!! I hit the hour mark & just didn't see any reason why I couldn't keep going! :o)

I walked the hill @ the end of our street ELEVEN times! That's a first, too! Just up & down, up & down....down the street & back to the hill, over & over & over again!! I know my neighbors think I'm nuts... but they can also see that I'm disappearing, can't they? I can't wait till spring comes around & the heavy jackets come off!!! :o) It was beautiful today, though... 53 degrees, a little overcast & breezy, but lovely & I didn't have to wear a jacket! I think tomorrow is supposed to be nice, too... so I'd better get out again... it's supposed to get nasty over the weekend, I think.

Here are my stats...
10,025 steps
4.12 miles
517 calories
1 hour 25 minutes !!!
Hill - ELEVEN times!!
7 APs

I need to take my pulse as I'm walking... what should I be shooting for?? I've never checked it. Walking has gotten pretty easy, though...I can't start jogging yet, I still have too much healing to do in my ankle & feet. Someday, though! :o)

Also... I need to start a strength training regime... @ home & to a video.... any suggestions?? Power 90? The Firm? Anything else?

Thanks, guys, for all of your support & encouragement!! Did anyone take a virtual walk w/ me today? :o)

Julie


Oh yeah...I haven't mentioned the gift my wonderful hubby bought me as an early Christmas gift, did I? :o) He got me an MP3 player, kinda like an I-Pod...only smaller...like the size of a pager. This isn't one like Sam's MP3 cd player... it uses no discs, rather it plugs directly into my computer's USB port & I download music (or audio books!!) directly into its memory! Very cool! I just love it! It has a cord so I can hang it around my neck & of course it uses head phones. Isn't he awesome? He totally surprised me w/ it. I'm a pretty lucky girl, aren't I? (don't I know it!!)

I HAD QUITE AN INTERESTING WEEK...

not quite in a good way, which is why today's weigh-in w/ a 2.6 lb loss (week 40) kind of took me by surprise!! :o)

So you say you want the details?? Okay...you don't have to twist my arm! LOL!!

This week was interesting because I never realized how much I truly enjoy my walking... how much I get out of it mentally, because I was just antsy & out of sorts all week because I COULDN'T go out & walk since I SPRAINED MY ANKLE!

One week later, my ankle is feeling MUCH better...I can flex it w/out worrying that the pain is going to shoot me through the roof. I actually took a walk w/ Brayden this afternoon... a nice SLOW walk! It was nice to get out... in the mid 40's today, sunny! We were out for about 20 minutes & that was about as long as I could handle it today. A little tender & achey afterwards, but not bad. Will DEFINITELY be out each day from now on... even if it's just a short walk like today.

I don't know what I'm going to do once there is snow on the ground. I suppose I should continue to walk, as long as it's not icy, right? Sure wish my dear husband would just sweep me off my feet w/ a nice treadmill! :o) (honey...are you reading this?? LOL!)

Also, the other factor this week that made me think my WI wouldn't be as fabulous as it was, was that I had too much Halloween candy throughout the week. Not THAT much, but definitely more sugar than I normally try to go for. I journaled EVERY piece, so it wasn't like it didn't fit into my numbers, but I figured that the QUALITY of my points this week was low enough that it might have effected my weigh-in...obviously it didn't make THAT big a difference (or did it?), but that still doesn't make it okay, right? :o)

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At my meetings, there is this older man who is a Lifetime member & I've seen him the last few times I was there (so, twice in a month). Well...after I weighed, I sat down in my usual spot (2nd row, center, because I want to see Michelle directly, rather than sitting on the sides & have to just look @ her profile most of the meeting!!) and a few minutes later, this man walked up from behind & said "Hi Julie, I'm Dick, nice to meet you!" we shook hands & I told him it was nice meeting him, too! (of course!) I was a little blown away w/ the fact that he knew my name, because he couldn't have seen my nametag yet, from the direction he was approaching me. He sat down we talked about his journey & what he thought about being at Lifetime. I actually asked him how much he had lost & he said 45 lbs over 2 years.... then I thought about it later, hoping that he didn't mind!! It's such a natural thing for us to actually talk about our weight & pounds lost on GoaD that I didn't even think twice about it!! Hope it wasn't too personal for him. He didn't flinch or anything, so maybe that's a good sign! LOL!! As I was talking to him, the lady behind us put her hand on my arm & said "didn't we talk a few weeks ago?" & she came up & took the empty chair on the other side of me. It was fun chatting w/ her...she's a really sweet lady. I'm really enjoying this group. It's been about 2 months, I guess, since I changed from Monday nights to this meeting on Saturday mornings...it's nice to get to know others. (& it felt really great to be sitting by these two successful Lifetime members...it felt like a "power group"! LOL!!)

Anyways...Michelle started out the meeting asking if anyone had anything they needed help with & this one lady, maybe 50?, said that she was having a hard time staying on track. She just couldn't get herself to journal & make good choices & on & on & on!! Tons of "I can't do this" stuff... negative after negative comment... she came up w/ an excuse w/ each suggestion. I just wanted to smack her! (but Dick held me back!! LOL!! Just kidding!) So, instead, I raised my hand & said that I thought she was waiting for the motivation to find her & it just doesn't happen that way. That she needed to do this because it was the right thing & that the motivation will come later. Michelle stopped me @ that point because that was what she was going to get to in the meeting. The group came up w/ some great ideas for this lady & she was asked to pick three that she thought would help her & she picked them, but all the while was saying "I guess I can see if I can do this" & "I'll just have to work on my willpower", etc..... ARG! I don't think she heard anything anyone was saying!! I was about to give her my eMail address so I could help her break through this negative train of thought, but decided I couldn't handle that right now! :o) Anyways (I sure say that alot, don't I?) ... it just made me realize that THAT was MY thought process forever. I gave up way too easily because I just "couldn't do it". I found excuse after excuse why it wasn't going to work for me, etc.

I am THRILLED to see how much I have internalized the changes I have made this past year. It still blows me away...but THIS IS MY LIFE...from now on! It's not hard to do...it IS work, of course, that's the idea... to be 100% on the ball, to know exactly what I am doing & to be aware of where poor choices will get me...physically & mentally.

Okay...I HAVE to be done here!! :o) I think I've exceeded my 2000 character limit, don't you? (yeah, like that ever stopped me!! LOL!) If you REALLY want to do some more reading :o) , I just posted two new pages in the RAMBLINGS section...go ahead, check it out...you know you wanna! :o)

Hope this post finds you all on the right track as well!!

BRAD & I GOT TO SPEND THE AFTERNOON IN THE ER...

after I landed poorly on my foot while going down the stairs today. Thought for sure I had broken my ankle, sure feels like there's some bone-on-bone action going on in there...OUCH...but luckily it's only sprained! They wrapped me up w/ an Ace Bandage, put on an inflatable splint, crutches & gave me some Tylenol w/ Codeine & sent me on my merry way. (Still having a hard time believing it's not broken...sure feels like there's some bone-on-bone action...very localized pain...ouch!)

Anyways...we were home no longer than 15 minutes when I started getting chest pains! YEOUCH! It freaked me out because I've already had my gall bladder removed, so what else feels like a heart attack but a heart attack? Waited a good 15 minutes...through about 4 waves of severe pain (constricting pain, radiated around to the back & hard to breathe) & some serious sweating (I was drenched!) & I finally got Brad to call 911. (poor Sam...he was balling, like me, he was so scared...I had Brad go calm him down while I was dealing w/ myself. Brayden was being a good nurse, trying to take care of me! LOL!!) Paramedics came, hooked me up to a heart monitor & everything looked good, but as I was still having these attacks, they took me to the ER. 2 more waves on the way there & then they stopped! The nurse that helped me earlier saw me & said "hey...you were just here!!" LOL!

So...what was it? I was having some sort of reaction to the stupid codeine!!! What a relief, I can tell you! Had to call Sam right away @ my neigbors house to let him know I was okay. (poor guys...spent the first half of the afternoon @ one neighbor's & the 2nd half @ another neighbor!!)

Well, anyways...I'm home now...exhausted & feeling like crud & really bummed out that I didn't get out for my walk today!! LOL! (the boys & I were JUST heading out to buy them some new shoes...guess they'll have to wait!!) But also relieved that my ankle is JUST sprained & hopefully I'll be back on my feet soon. I’m also bummed because I won’t be able to go on a field trip w/ Brayden tomorrow! :o(

So...how was your day?? :o)

Julie

RAMBLING...LETTER TO A FRIEND...

Hey Jane (Doe) ...

As far as 50 lbs seeming so far away...I know exactly what you mean...I've always thought like that...it's just way WAY too overwhelming if you look @ it all like that. I mean, geez, I have a total of like 125 lbs to lose if I wanna get down to 140 (the TOP of my healthy weight range for my height!!)....THAT is a huge amount of weight. But when I started thinking about all of the years that I had been thinking like that...

"I can't do this, it's too much to lose"
"I'll never make it, why bother?"

...I realized that not only had a ton of time passed, but that I was getting larger & larger each year...when was it going to stop? Even if I had changed just a little something in how I did things all of those years that I was overwhelmed... stop drinking pop, stop eating fast food, start walking more, etc...I would've been healthier by now. Crazy, huh?

So...one thing that I've been working on this last year is to realize that things aren't just going to happen on their own. I've always thought "when I'm feeling better (not depressed, not scatter-brained), I'll do something about this (weight, house, work, etc...)"....I've come to realize that things just don't happen like that. If you don't actually DO SOMETHING about it, it's not going to happen...& will probably get worse. It sure happened that way w/ me. The more I left things to happen on their own, the worse & more overwhelming it got. How in the heck do I tackle all of that? Talk about stress, anxiety, etc. You know how I feel...when I let the house get out of control, it's soooooooo overwhelming...where in the heck do I start? So I usually just don't...I shut down...& then what happens? It gets worse. It's not going to fix itself on its own, right? Nope!! Same thing w/ the weight...you gotta make it happen & it's not going to happen over night. I can't hire an organizational lady to come in & organize my house w/out getting into it w/ her & learning all about how to keep it that way, right? If I don't, the house will go back to an unorganized mess in no time.

Same w/ weight-loss, Jane. Look @ John (Doe)...he goes for the quick fixes...the hand-holding...the strict "diets" that do the work for him & teach him nothing about living in the real world....Metabolife, Atkins, Jenny Craig, Slimfast, Optifast, Diet Centers, etc...so he has great success w/ them while he's on their program, but the minute he's on his own, he doesn't know what to do except what he has always been doing when he's on his own.

Do this the right way, Jane...know that it's going to take alot of time...but you HAVE alot of time. Time is going to pass either way...you can spend it getting yourself moving in the right direction, or you can continue to backslide, right?? As much as I would love to just take you by the hand & say "listen to me...I know what I'm talking about" (cuz I do! LOL!!), you're still going to have to figure all of this out on your own.

I heard people say for years that...

"you have to do this for yourself" (not for your spouse or for a reunion, wedding, party, etc...)
"it has to be a lifestyle change" ....what's that?? A lifestyle change???

Well....it's true!! I NEVER did it for myself...it was always for an outside reason....always.

And I never understood the "lifestyle change" theory, until I realized that what I had been doing all along was "dieting"...something temporary, till I got the weight off, then I went back to my OWN LIFESTYLE...unhealthy eating...bad choices...compulsive picking, etc... OH...THAT'S what a lifestyle change is...ANYTHING BUT THE ONE THAT WAS ALREADY SECOND NATURE TO ME...that's what!!! WOW...LIGHTBULB MOMENT!!! :o) So...you mean I actually have to CHANGE?? Yep....I have to make a healthy lifestyle become second nature to me...I have to become that healthy thinking person. Crazy, huh??

Anyways...I'm talking myself into circles. :o)

Do you watch Dr. Phil?? I LOVE him.....I know alot of people don't...but I do & I really believe that he knows what he is talking about w/ this weight loss issue, cuz every time I see him, he just verifies what I've been working on the last year...the stuff that I've been internalizing. He's asking these people, who are following his "plan", to dig way down deep inside themselves & work on that part before they start to work on the outside....you REALLY have to do that, Jane. As much as I'd love to believe that there are new meds out there that would be the magic pills that would magically allow us to naturally keep the house clean & help us make the right choices in our lives, there aren't...we are the ones who actually have to do the work!! ARG! It sucks, IF you think of it as sucking. When you realize that "hey, yeah...I actually have to make this happen" you can go one of two ways....

- HATE IT...because you really don't want to work for it...work sucks!!! So you hate every step you have to take & will never figure out how to live w/ having to do that the rest of your life...

- or you can EMBRACE IT...yeah, I know that sounds corny...but you can figure out how to find a little JOY & SATISFACTION in what it takes to get your act together...KNOWING that you have to do it for the rest of your life, so you may as well figure out how to enjoy it, right?? You gotta!!

I HATE to exercise...always have...but I realize that when I'm out walking, I actually enjoy it...I think about what it is doing for me...it's helping my metabolism, which is going to help me w/ my weight-loss & it's going help shape my butt & legs...right?? It's doing something for me & I LIKE THAT!!! Wow...that means I must like exercise!!! NOT!! LOL!! But I like what I'm getting out of it, so I'm going to do it!! (& not dread it cuz I found the benefits!!)

Same way w/ food...

Same way w/ my attitude. I could sit here & think...

"man, I only lost a pound this week...this is going to take forever" or
"why in the world did I gain this week? I was GOOD....this isn't worth it...I'm doing all this for nothing!!!"

Nothing?? Hello...those 50lbs didn't come off over night & didn't happen all by themselves, did they??

I am FIFTY pounds lighter than I was 9 months ago!!! I just can't believe that! I would be just as thrilled if I were 10 or 20 lbs lighter, cuz if I hadn't started this process, I would surely be 10-20 or more lbs HEAVIER than where I started!! I would more than likely be OVER 300 lbs now & that is really REALLY scary!! (but reality!!)

When things are going S L O W... Arg! ...I realize that I am building the super strong foundation that I need to keep this lifestyle w/ me for the rest of my life...it's becoming MY LIFESTYLE more & more each day. It's actually GOOD that this is a long process...I'm learning so much about myself & my life w/ food...how I react to different situations & how my body reacts to different types of food. I'm working it all out & that's really important!

Yikes...I sure know how to go on & on, don't I? LOL!!

Jane...you can do this...I know you can! Start small...find one thing you can do each day & be proud of it. Feel that pride way down deep & remember it. Remember how great it feels to feel good about something, rather than to be down on yourself, again.

Anyways...I think I need to quit now...otherwise I'll be another dozen paragraphs into this & realize that I'm still going on...& on & on!! LOL!!

Love you...let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do for you!
I'm here for you...always!!

xxoxoxoo....Julie

RAMBLING...What's up w/ the "TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY" crap? :o)

I came across this "rant", below, in a post on one of the WW boards several weeks ago... from a lady who pulls no strings when she posts. A little bit harsh, but HONEST. Obviously doesn't like whiners. :o)

Anyways.... I kind of like what she had to say here.

And here's a little mini-rant on my part:
If there's one concept that just annoys the BLEEP out of me it's that whole "tomorrow is another day" crap. Yup, that's right, tomorrow IS another day, but there's always another tomorrow and another and another and another. And pretty soon, you'll have a string of restarts behind you, but you won't have gotten anywhere. The idea that you can always start fresh tomorrow is just rationalizing not being able to stick to your commitment TODAY. End of mini-rant.

So...how many more tomorrows are you going to be starting over?
Yeah, it IS nice to be able to get back up on your feet when you've taken a detour...no guilt, no kicking one's self, etc... just get over it & get on w/ it, right? That's what you HAVE to do...what is your alternative??

BUT...when are you going to actually get serious about what you are "trying" to do here? When are you going to get back on your feet & say "ENOUGH!! I AM going to do this...I'm not going to TRY, I'm not going to TALK about it....I'm going to actually DO this!"

I know so many people who can't deal w/ the long term reality of this journey we're traveling. I don't know if they've EVER looked @ the big picture...you know, 1 year, 5 years, 20 years down the road. They just want to deal w/ TODAY... w/ just one meal, then the next, & so on. I don't get it. I think you HAVE to look at the big picture! Get used to it, comfortable w/ it...know what your future looks like...feels like...& shoot for that! I haven't given myself any other future than a successful one.

Haven't you ever looked at your PAST? I sure have! Don't you realize that if you keep doing what you've always done, you're always going to end up in the same place that you did in the past? So...why do people continue to repeat this pattern day, after day, after day?

I know that for me, when I look down the road & see my future, I KNOW that it is going to be a healthy one. I have a path to follow. No, I don't expect to be perfect, I'm NOT perfect (that's for sure!)...I know that I'm going to step off that path from time to time...BUT I also know that I'm going to find my way back to that path & continue on in the right direction. I also know that even if I'm 100% on track, things might not go exactly as planned...I'm ready for that!! (I've already had to deal w/ THAT! Plateau, unexplained gains, etc...) Why would I say "I don't like how this is going, all this work for nothing...I'm going to quit!"? Why would I do that?? Why would ANYBODY do that???! I know that THAT sort of stuff is temporary...and my plan shows me being on the right side of things when the rough times are through.

How about you?
Do you have a plan?
I hope so!