ARTICLE...DR. PHIL ON WILLPOWER - 1 OF 3

Dr Phil: “Willpower is Overrated!” There’s a better way to keep your resolve from dissolving.
By Phillip C. McGraw, PH.D (O magazine January 2001)

Keeping Your Resolutions
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QUESTION:
How can I stick to my resolutions?
Something must be seriously wrong w/ me. I seem to have absolutely no discipline or conviction. Every January 1, I make ten lofty resolutions. I get really excited in the beginning; I feel confident and committed to making changes, but I never – and I mean never – follow through. For once, I would like to actually eat healthily, do the exercise, change the job, get rid of this doofus I am living with, and start painting and writing again. I worry that I just need to face the ugly truth that I’m weak and have no willpower. Or is there a way I can make some real changes?

ANSWER:
Of course you can start eating well, do the exercise, change the job, dump the doofus, and paint and write to your heart’s content. You’re not some loser, so stop behaving like one. I am betting that your results are the same year after year because you stick to the same pattern: New Year’s comes, and like millions of others, you examine your life, find things are less than ideal, and begin dreaming of a better future. You’re excited by the prospect of change: You launch a fitness program, start sending out resumes, buy a set of watercolors…and then you fizzle out before actually incorporating any real changes into your daily routine. By spring or summer, I is the same old you, the same old life, and the same old doofus planted on the couch like a box of rocks.

Now, I’m not saying you are weak, but you are obviously stuck big time. You’ve fallen victim to one of the biggest myths ever – that all you need is a little more willpower. It’s a highly overrated concept and can lead to great disappointment, particularly if you are working toward long-term change. The problem with willpower is that it is defined and fueled by emotions. Think about it: When you start your program, you feel strong, committed, and confident. You’re highly motivated because emotionally you’re on a high. You can do anything, right?” But emotions tend to fade. No one can be up all the time. Soon you lose energy and become less committed. The less committed you feel, the more you find excuses not to exercise, eat right, or break it off with a less than ideal partner. How often does this happen? Not some of the time – all of the time.

That’s not to say willpower doesn’t have its purpose. It’s great in the short run. But as I said, willpower is not how you change your life in the long run. Many of us aren’t strong in the willpower department, including me. (My dad always said, “McGraw men are tough; we can handle anything – except pain and temptation.”) I’ve found the way to achieve real change can be summed up in one word: programming. Unlike emotionally fueled willpower, good solid planning will carry you toward your goals even when you don’t feel like it. Programming will get you out of bed on a cold February morning to go jog when you fell as if you’d much rather sink back into the mattress. To succeed long-term, you have to take emotions out of the equation – and to do that, I suggest you follow these five steps and reprogram your approach to your resolutions.

STEP 1: Choose a realistic goal. Resist the temptation to gloss over important details or omit them altogether. Focus on only those things you have control over, and don’t pursue outcomes that are unattainable.

STEP 2: Qualify your goal. Real goals must be measurable and observable, otherwise you’ll be bogged down trying to figure out what you’re actually aiming for. Serious goals leave no room for confusion about what is desired.

STEP 3: Define your goal in terms of small steps. Goals must be carefully broken down into manageable steps that ultimately lead to the desired outcome. Don’t try to create change in giant leaps. Be patient and let it happen over time.

STEP 4: Set up a time line for achieving your goal. You need a particular calendar date and a schedule for completion. “Someday” is not a day of the week. Be precise as to what you are going to do and when you are going to do it.

STEP 5: Create a system to monitor your progress. Without accountability, you are apt to con yourself – or fail to recognize poor performance in time to adjust your behavior. Ask a friend or a family member if you can report your progress to her on a regular basis. The thought of looking someone else in the eye and admitting failure is typically unpleasant enough to inspire you to stick with the program.

Next...Taking the First Step

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Philip C. McGraw, Ph.D., is president of Courtroom Sciences, a litigation firm in Texas. He is the author of Life Strategies and Relationship Rescue. Have a question for Dr McGraw? Send it to: Tell It Like It Is, 0, The Oprah Magazine, 1700 Broadway ,38th floor New York, NY 100I9. Or visit Oprah.com and click on 0, The Oprah Magazine.